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I suggest getting to know her a bit more first, hang out with her more, be friends maybe? If all else fails just ask her out, What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing possible is you getting rejected, if not that it means you successfully asked her out. Then again there are those girls that tell you to give them a few days to respond and never talk to you again. Wait, I'm not really helping, Am I? Well I'm shutting up now.
| QUOTE (CrossDragon @ Oct 28 2007, 03:51 AM) |
| I suggest getting to know her a bit more first, hang out with her more, be friends maybe? If all else fails just ask her out, What's the worst that can happen? The worst thing possible is you getting rejected, if not that it means you successfully asked her out. Then again there are those girls that tell you to give them a few days to respond and never talk to you again. Wait, I'm not really helping, Am I? Well I'm shutting up now. |
No, I've found your advise helpful. Although the problem is that I can't be friends, since she knows I like her (stated by Zev already).
Honestly, Zev's been giving good advice so far.
As for my experiences...
Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references.
While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen:
1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out.
2) She'll sever most contact with you.
3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her.
From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages.
If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your own style without being rude.
Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene.
Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first.
Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks.
Summing it up:
Find out about her by asking her yourself.
Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed.
Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature.
Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice.
Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating.
Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then.
As for my experiences...
Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references.
While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen:
1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out.
2) She'll sever most contact with you.
3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her.
From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages.
If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your own style without being rude.
Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene.
Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first.
Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks.
Summing it up:
Find out about her by asking her yourself.
Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed.
Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature.
Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice.
Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating.
Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then.
Finished reading that. Wow, that is a lot, and I will definitely follow that advice. K, I act a little immature around my friends (not around her however), but will this affect me? And yes, I am definitely not trying to go for a huge change, but a little is nice. The problem is that any conversation I initiate with her will be detected, since she already knows I like her. Maybe I can still try, but it certainly is much harder. Hmm, sometimes I look at her briefly at times, maybe she is spooked by this? I'll stop doing that for a while, come to think of it.
But yes, your advice and Zevs are the best I've gotten (not trying to be rude to everyone else). Thanks, a ton!
EDIT: That was to Esotu. 8558584, I'm in the same boat as you, though I'm trying to avoid the akward tension. Mattsom, this one girl in my history class seems to fit the bill of your description.
But yes, your advice and Zevs are the best I've gotten (not trying to be rude to everyone else). Thanks, a ton!
EDIT: That was to Esotu. 8558584, I'm in the same boat as you, though I'm trying to avoid the akward tension. Mattsom, this one girl in my history class seems to fit the bill of your description.
| QUOTE (bobblyhead @ Oct 27 2007, 10:28 PM) |
| Finished reading that. Wow, that is a lot, and I will definitely follow that advice. K, I act a little immature around my friends (not around her however), but will this affect me? And yes, I am definitely not trying to go for a huge change, but a little is nice. The problem is that any conversation I initiate with her will be detected, since she already knows I like her. Maybe I can still try, but it certainly is much harder. Hmm, sometimes I look at her briefly at times, maybe she is spooked by this? I'll stop doing that for a while, come to think of it. But yes, your advice and Zevs are the best I've gotten (not trying to be rude to everyone else). Thanks, a ton! |
Yes, it could affect you. Putting on a double front is not exactly wise either as you'll start blending the two - I can assure you that - after a while. But if you say it's "a little" it might not have such a significant impact. Still some, but not a large amount.
Honestly, it really depends on her. If she catches you doing so, and stares back, it can be taken as a sign of "It's okay. I like you looking at me." At the same time, if she turns quickly away or in a meek fashion, she's probably finding the gaze discomforting. So, in that situation, yes, you should refrain from doing that. One of my close friends admitted to me that he liked it a lot when I would look at him occasionally, giving him my attention and disliked my inquiry if I should stop - I thought it made him feel uneasy as well as gave him the wrong idea.
I forgot to mention eye contact. It's very important. If you're asking her something about her, make sure you're looking at her. Nothing is more vexing than to have someone ask but then "seem" like he isn't paying attention while staring off somewhere into the sky or floor. I understand it's a bit nerve wrecking to keep eye contact for long, but working on it will help. I tend to look at one pupil rather than both, somewhere toward the nose so that my eyes don't appear "wandering" but still fixed as well as intent.
Like I said before, girls usually give better advice than guys. In this case, it is as good as mine if not better since there is insight on how girls act. However, there is a little bias in girl's advice which is why I added usually. I found just about everything in Esotu's post good. In fact, I could use some of it myself. I just want to touch upon one thing.
For the third possibility, you should not be discouraged about talking to her in front of her friends if that happens in the early stages of making a move. If you need a reason to talk to a girl (in front of her friends), then you shouldn't talk to her at all. Just go up and talk to her. Pay most of your attention to her and not her friends otherwise she'll get mixed messages. For example, if you ask for her number, don't ask for her friend's number. That seems like you just want to be friends.
On Thursday, I was about to ask this girl out to this festival that's going on campus in class. She has a class before me in the same room. She didn't show up to that and showed up late to our class. There wasn't a seat for her and her friend, so she chose to sit somewhere else. I couldn't catch her after class ended because she disappeared with the crowd. Later that day, I asked her on facebook if she's going to it, she can hit me up. I got no reply...The point is, don't be discouraged and keep trying. Girls like to play hard to get.
EDIT: I just read the two post. Yes, eye contact is very important. Always look at her eyes. If you find yourself staring and she catches you, don't look away. If you do, that means she knows you like her and you're shy. Just keep looking and then look away after a few seconds. I know starting a conversation is hard with a girl that knows you like her. Trust me, I've been through it. Just talk to her after class or something. In my experience, there's always an opportunity, the question is whether you take it or not.
For the third possibility, you should not be discouraged about talking to her in front of her friends if that happens in the early stages of making a move. If you need a reason to talk to a girl (in front of her friends), then you shouldn't talk to her at all. Just go up and talk to her. Pay most of your attention to her and not her friends otherwise she'll get mixed messages. For example, if you ask for her number, don't ask for her friend's number. That seems like you just want to be friends.
On Thursday, I was about to ask this girl out to this festival that's going on campus in class. She has a class before me in the same room. She didn't show up to that and showed up late to our class. There wasn't a seat for her and her friend, so she chose to sit somewhere else. I couldn't catch her after class ended because she disappeared with the crowd. Later that day, I asked her on facebook if she's going to it, she can hit me up. I got no reply...The point is, don't be discouraged and keep trying. Girls like to play hard to get.
EDIT: I just read the two post. Yes, eye contact is very important. Always look at her eyes. If you find yourself staring and she catches you, don't look away. If you do, that means she knows you like her and you're shy. Just keep looking and then look away after a few seconds. I know starting a conversation is hard with a girl that knows you like her. Trust me, I've been through it. Just talk to her after class or something. In my experience, there's always an opportunity, the question is whether you take it or not.
Esotu, got it. I'll refrain from it. OK, I'll try blending my two egos to be one, charming little figure. Of course I'll keep eye contact in mind; I've hardly talked to her, but when I do, I will. One pupil is easier for me as well, I have to admit. I have her in, like, none of my classes now, though she was in 3 of mine last year.
I don't know about the third possibility; as I've said, I have no idea of what will happen next.
Thanks for the help! I'm still needing advice and encouragement, but you still are all a big help.
I don't know about the third possibility; as I've said, I have no idea of what will happen next.
Thanks for the help! I'm still needing advice and encouragement, but you still are all a big help.
| QUOTE (Esotu @ Oct 28 2007, 04:19 AM) |
| Honestly, Zev's been giving good advice so far. As for my experiences... Get to know her by asking her questions. Don't ask someone else about her because everyone has his/her own opinion and interpretation. Furthermore, asking her helps you in two ways. The first is establishing a connection between the both of you, making the task of approachability easier for each side - fostering a trust you can think of it as. The second provides you with her information on a first hand account, obviously. That way, you can make your own impression of her based on more facts as opposed to running off loose strings of information that you gather through hearsay/second hand references. While it has been mentioned not to focus on yourself too much during conversation, don't focus too much on her either. This may imply that you're too interested, which may or may not scare her. More likely than not, it will cause her some worry if she is not comfortable telling you "no" if you ask her out in which three things can happen: 1) She'll treat you nicely, trying to avoid situations that give you the opportunity to ask her out. 2) She'll sever most contact with you. 3) She'll want to have her friends around when you want to talk/do something with her. From my knowledge, most girls around the high school age will follow the first outcome. I, myself, am guilty of this route when I find out someone is attracted to me because I am afraid of hurting his feelings as well as losing a friendship over an awkward event. Younger girls (late elementary to early middle school) will probably go for the second outcome as they are more likely to be shyer and will not know how to react with certainty. The last outcome usually applies to girls who know you are interested and don't want to lead you on, so they try to surround themselves with a "safe" group of people to lessen the anxiety of giving you the wrong messages. If this girl is worth going for, she won't care for material objects. She shouldn't be concerned with what you wear or what you buy her. What she WILL be paying particular attention to is the way you speak and act. Immaturity will, in the long run, cost you a relationship. While it seems "cute" or "funny" at first, it quickly grows tiresome and makes a girl wonder if she can really see herself with such a person for the rest of her life. In many cases...the answer is no. So, she will break the relationship if it's gotten that far. Why though? Didn't it make her laugh? Well, yeah, it DID, but now she can't trust if you'll take her seriously ever. Find a way to be pleasant in your own style without being rude. Returning to the former aspect, notice I said "the way" you speak. While what you say might be acceptable, watch your tone and body gestures. Drawling, cold, harsh, and even loud voices will annoy if not repulse most girls. Body language in the sense that you aren't invading her space too much with your hands swinging in her face when you're excited or mad or whatever. Most girls don't find a guy grabbing one's crotch or flipping off another person attractive either. It's gross and obscene. Speaking of hands, let me mention body contact. While I did say not to intrude on her space too much, that doesn't mean you should refrain from making contact from time to time. A light tap on the shoulder or arm (let's say you need her attention for a homework problem and don't want to be loud by calling her name) is a way of testing the boundaries. If she doesn't act negatively in response to her, she probably considers you close enough for that kind of interaction. Don't push it though. Every now and then is fine; consistently is kind of scary unless she initiates by touching you first. Most of all, be yourself. It's generic advice, but it's true. I don't mean stick to a rigid form of who you are currently, because there's always something someone is going to find that she doesn't like and will mention it to you (ie. I didn't like my boyfriend saying "no duh" to me or my ex for using certain emoticons because I interpreted them in a negative way). To those small things, yes, change them to accommodate her. It makes you a better person for you aren't seen as a stubborn jerk like my other ex who said he couldn't change his shyness and that I'd have to deal with it (this came from an argument when I told him I wanted to hold his hand and he refused). Large changes like working out for six packs and whatnot are grossly uncalled for and thus should be ignored. She should like you for who you are, not what you look like as everyone will have a different appearance as he/she ages - unless we're referring to medical support and whatnot, but that's pretty extreme for retaining one's looks. Summing it up: Find out about her by asking her yourself. Pay attention to her, but not to the point of looking obsessed. Find a balance for being charming without annoying/immature. Watch how you speak, for she will notice small details as in the inflection of your voice. Make body contact by starting slowly and seeing if she responds positively by reciprocating. Be yourself. But a flexible self. Everyone can use a little change now and then. |
Errr, I will now make an attempt to sum up this wall of text in a few words. Here I go.
Be yourself, Don't act immature or a jackass, and know your limits.
Ok, I tried. If I failed let me know.
| QUOTE (bobblyhead @ Oct 28 2007, 04:45 AM) |
| I have her in, like, none of my classes now, though she was in 3 of mine last year. |
That's a toughie...I understand how hard it is to walk up to a girl and talk to her out of randomness. She'll think you're weird. If there's any parties or any events coming up that you know she'll be at, then you should go and say what's up. Keep up a conversation; don't just say hi and leave.
EDIT: By the way, first base should be her number, but I don't know for sure. No one has ever told me, but that's how I mark it.
Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way?
EDIT: BTW, does appearance make a huge difference? I am, by definition, a little chubby (4 pounds overweight, lol, though I can lose it), and I'm not exactly the most stylish either.
EDIT: BTW, does appearance make a huge difference? I am, by definition, a little chubby (4 pounds overweight, lol, though I can lose it), and I'm not exactly the most stylish either.
| QUOTE (bobblyhead @ Oct 28 2007, 05:08 AM) |
| Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way? |
Sit next to her. If push comes to shove, walk up to her when you catch her walking somewhere (alone or not).
IIRC, back when I was in high school and I asked for girl help, some guy recommended that I trip her in the cafeteria and help her up. It works if she doesn't find out that you trip her. I never went with that plan. I'm not suggesting it to you either, I'm just telling you what someone suggested to me one time. Besides, in your case, she knows you like her, so that wouldn't go so well anyway...
EDIT: As Esotu said, it doesn't matter how you look. I told you before, I've seen some of the geekiest guys date the hottest girls. It has nothing to do with looks, just courage.
| QUOTE (Zev @ Oct 27 2007, 10:53 PM) | ||
That's a toughie...I understand how hard it is to walk up to a girl and talk to her out of randomness. She'll think you're weird. If there's any parties or any events coming up that you know she'll be at, then you should go and say what's up. Keep up a conversation; don't just say hi and leave. EDIT: By the way, first base should be her number, but I don't know for sure. No one has ever told me, but that's how I mark it. |
I don't really agree with getting a girl's number as a way to get to know her. If anything, this makes you too straightforward and kind of "sketchy" as in somewhat stalker-ish and creepy.
If anything, ask for an AIM or MSN SN. It's a bit easier to interact that way considering the modern society.
I know I said watch your tone, etc., but also watch your words. Here's a quick example:
Zev says, "there is a little bias in girl's advice." While the statement's made to be objective, a girl can interpret it in this way:
"A girl's words are usually tainted somehow and should not be taken as greatly as a guy's advice would be because hers is biased."
Pretty drastic, right? Diction is very important. Usually, negative connotative words will immediately be taken into account and frowned upon. We may know the difference, but we don't necessarily know if a guy does. =/
And, I know you don't mean it in that way, Zev. Just using it as an example.
| QUOTE (bobblyhead @ Oct 27 2007, 11:08 PM) |
| Hmm, good idea. I have trouble approaching her, what is the best way? EDIT: BTW, does appearance make a huge difference? I am, by definition, a little chubby (4 pounds overweight, lol, though I can lose it), and I'm not exactly the most stylish either. |
It shouldn't really matter. Some girls might find that attractive too. For example, my boyfriend's chubby. Rather than being too focused on media-driven views on "hot," I find his chub to be a nice pillow. It's comfortable as opposed to a rock hard body (My ex had six packs, so I know the difference quite well).
Basically, my point is that if you think there is something "wrong," there's always another view on making it positive and surprisingly pleasant.
| QUOTE (Esotu @ Oct 28 2007, 05:26 AM) |
| I don't really agree with getting a girl's number as a way to get to know her. If anything, this makes you too straightforward and kind of "sketchy" as in somewhat stalker-ish and creepy. If anything, ask for an AIM or MSN SN. It's a bit easier to interact that way considering the modern society. I know I said watch your tone, etc., but also watch your words. Here's a quick example: Zev says, "there is a little bias in girl's advice." While the statement's made to be objective, a girl can interpret it in this way: "A girl's words are usually tainted somehow and should not be taken as greatly as a guy's advice would be because hers is biased." Pretty drastic, right? Diction is very important. Usually, negative connotative words will immediately be taken into account and frowned upon. We may know the difference, but we don't necessarily know if a guy does. =/ And, I know you don't mean it in that way, Zev. Just using it as an example. |
Well here's the thing. If a guy gets the girl's number, that let's her know he's interested. If a guy gets the girl's sn, that let's her know that he might be interested. Getting the SN is a huge gamble, it could end up in friendship. A number, on the other hand, has a higher success rate of hooking up.
I know Esotu did not take any offense to my words and I didn't mean any. When I said, "Girl's advice are biased," I meant that girls give advice based on how they feel. That's good because it gives a in-depth look at what girl's are thinking and guys' can make a calculated decision. On the other hand, girls like guys to be gentlemen and they have different views on guys. For one girl, what might seem like an ideal guy may be a guy that wears those polos and goes golfing or whatever; for most girls, that seems to be a guy that doesn't know how to have fun. Anyway, the most important thing is to watch what you say.
AIM and MSN is good for interaction, but if that becomes your primary methd of contct she will never really know who you are. Then when you eventually do hang out you'll interpret messages wrong and screw yourself over. Above all, if you get drunk at a party DO NOT talk to her unless you are completely certain that you still have self control.
This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty.
and where I go to school, it's totally commonplace to get an e-mail or a phone number, perhaps off a friend, and strike a relationship from that
This has, in fact, happened to several friends of mine, it ain't pretty.
and where I go to school, it's totally commonplace to get an e-mail or a phone number, perhaps off a friend, and strike a relationship from that
Friendship isn't bad. As a matter of fact, that's a better way to go so you can build from there into a relationship. Most people who jump into relationships without prior friendship have a falling out soon afterward because they don't know each partner's limitations, preferences, etc.
As mentioned, don't have the IMs become your primary source of communication. It's a start, but not the sole form of interaction.
As mentioned, don't have the IMs become your primary source of communication. It's a start, but not the sole form of interaction.
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