Forums · My Original Fiction
I've been writing the same damn story since middle school now. Can you believe it's in it's 3rd Revision? This is only the first chapter. If you all like it, I'll put up more, but for now, that's all you're getting.
It doesn't have a title yet, so.. yeah...
I'll just start.
EDIT: The stupid dialouge box decieved me! It looked way easier to read that the mishmash that got put up. I've added new "Paragraph spacing lines" to ease reading.
~~~
It was early. Darkness still covered the land, a new had day yet to begin when he started stirring. His eyes flashed open, staring at the ceiling. He hadn?t been able to get much sleep the night before; He was too excited about what today would bring.
Sitting up in the dark, he stretched his arms out and grunted. He heard rustling in the room next to his, and took in a sharp breath. He silently reminded himself that he wasn?t alone in his home, and he didn?t want to wake his mother and repeat the sad scene she had made over dinner the night before.
But he wasn?t going to focus on the past at this moment. He was going to focus on today, because it required his utmost attention. He snuck out of bed, his bare feet tapping the dusty wooden floor.
He groped around the floor for where he had left the pieces of his uniform. He handled several articles of dirty clothing before he came to the familiar rough feeling of the uniform top. When it was sewn, it was a simple tunic, colored blue by various dyes. It had since been blemished with several local varieties of mud, grass and even a little of his own blood when there was an accident during practice.
He quickly slid the top over his nearly bare form and began searching again for the pants that went with the uniform. As he began crawling about on the ground, he pictured them in his mind. They were gray, and usually dirty all over. They were stained mostly near the knees, where he would be crouching in the fields as he worked and played. The material was about as rough as that which made up the tunic; it had taken him a few days to get used to the scratchy material. But he wouldn?t let himself admit to the others he felt the material was uncomfortable. What kind of idea would that birth in them, if he would complain about such a minor matter?
At last as he approached the hall, he found them carefully slung over the knob on the door to his room. He sheepishly pulled the garment off the doorknob and stepped into it. He pulled them up around his midsection, and secured them there with a simple, leather belt. He turned back to face his dark room and began to look it over.
In his mind, it was a child?s room. Clothes were strewn all around and on top of every available surface. Some old, broken toys were piled in the corner, instead of put in a chest and carried to the attic like his mother told him to do before he left today. He decided that when he came back ? when he was a man ? he would finally obey his mother?s request to clean his room.
He crept down the hall, the house still dark as he stepped towards the door. The fireplace was empty, but as autumn and winter would soon be upon them, he knew it wouldn?t be long before he had to begin stacking wood in the crate again.
Placed carefully near the door, on a stool, were two more articles of his clothing. On the top was a bandana. Made from a simple piece of cloth, he tied it around his head. When he received it, it was a crisp and bold white. Now, years later, it had been turned a dim grey with age, stained with sweat from his brow. When his unkempt brown hair became heavy with either his own perspiration or rain from above, it kept the hair out of his eyes.
Under the bandana was a pair of brown leather boots. The boots were also several years old, cracking from their age and extensive use. Balled up inside each was a sock, to ease chafing. He sat down on the stool and pulled the socks up his legs. Each was woolen, grey, and stretched to about halfway between his ankle and his kneecap. He slid into the old boots and fastened them onto his feet.
He looked on the wooden floor and picked up his scabbard. The hilt of the sword was cold in his hand. Standing up, he held the sword out as if it was unsheathed and pointed it towards an invisible assailant. ?Prepare, criminal, for today I will end your immoral ways!? he whispered harshly to his make-believe enemy. Chuckling to himself, attached the scabbard to his belt, the object dangling at his side. Glancing out the window, he saw the morning twilight creeping over the horizon. Not letting another moment pass, he quietly opened the door and slipped out into the morning.
Once outside, he rejoiced in the freedom he had to move faster without making too much additional noise. He stepped quickly up the dirt path that had been beaten to the door of his mother?s home and onto the dirt road that ran through the village. Looking back, he saw his mother?s garden, fenced off by sharp, wooden stakes. The only break in the fence was a gate that allowed his mother inside to water the vegetables.
He continued through the village as the morning sun began peaking over the tallest of the trees that surrounded his hometown. Most of the farmers and their farmhands had already risen, much earlier than he did, and had begun the day?s work. He walked by the large fields and the cattle that inhabited them. Some farmhands were busy cutting and baling the tall grasses that had grown over the summer, in preparation for the coming winter.
He passed several more wooden buildings on the way to his destination. They had been constructed with storefronts in mind, and many had items for sale on display. The village baker was still preparing his bread for the day, and the warm scent filled the young man?s nostrils, causing his stomach to growl.
?Oh?? he said, rather stunned at his forgetfulness. ?I guess I forgot to eat. I hope they have a meal for me when I get there.?
He began stepping faster, causing the sword at his waist to silently clap against his leg.
There wasn?t much farther he had to go, though. His destination was just at the end of the road. It was a hastily constructed building made of wood. It had been around for as long as he could remember. A bronze bell was held in the tower that sprang out of the building. It was to be rung in times of crisis, warning the women and children to hide in their homes and the men to take arms with whatever implements they had available to them.
The boy stepped forward, the morning sun rising behind him and tinting the plain, wooden door an orange hue. He grasped the handle on the door, and pressed the switch down with his thumb. He pulled sharply, causing himself to stumble backwards, surprised at how easily it moved.
The sun poured into the room as the young man stepped inside. Eleven other men, dressed in the same blue and grey uniform sat around a long, rectangular table which was sitting with the short side near the door. Most of them had just finished eating a meal. They were all in excellent physical condition, and many were balding, or had several patches of gray hair on their heads.
?Hey,? one on the far side noted, ?the new kid?s late.? The man had grey on the sides of his short black hair, and a crooked smile on his face.
?Hey, son! Would you like to wash our plates?? a balding man with wrinkles on his face asked to him.
The newcomer swallowed and stepped inside. ?What?s wrong?? the first man called to him. ?Did we hurt your feelings, son??
?That?s enough.? A third, younger man said, standing up from the long side of the table to the young man?s left. The one who stood up turned his eyes, sharp like arrowheads, towards the two men who had been heckling the young man. ?Show respect to those who would put themselves in danger to fight along side you.?
The fighters who had been taunting the young man silenced themselves.
The one who stood up walked over to the door where the young man stood. His sharp brown eyes softened upon the sight of the younger. ?I don?t understand how you take this, Tyko,? he said, shrugging his shoulders. ?I?d have lost my temper with these old men a while ago.?
Tyko smirked. ?These guys aren?t worth my time, Ortego. I?ve more important things to concern myself with.?
Ortego beckoned Tyko to follow him. ?So, you?re quite excited about today, eh?? he smiled. ?Don?t get disappointed if your mission isn?t as exciting as you would like.?
?Hey, what do you mean by that?,? Tyko raised an eyebrow as he and Ortego were seated.
?Patience,? Ortego smiled back at him, ruffling the tangled hair on the younger boy?s head. ?You?ll learn soon enough.?
?Alright, settle down,? the man at the head of the table shouted over the noise that was made upon Tyko?s entrance. ?I?m glad we?re all here now.?
?If that new kid wasn?t late, we?d be done by now,? one of the men who had taunted Tyko shouted.
?Didn?t I just say to shut your mouth?? the man at the end of the table shouted again. ?You don?t disobey your leader like that!?
Tyko silently thanked the muscular man. His head was crowned in hair that resembled fire. He sat back down and slammed his metal cup against the table, causing everyone?s tableware to shake. Everyone fell silent as the man cleared his throat.
?That?s better,? the leader started off. ?I bring this meeting to order.?
?Well, what?s it about?? shouted a man larger than the rest. The older men all muttered in agreement with him, grumbling to know why they had been woken up so early this day.
?May I?? Ortego turned to the leader and asked.
?By all means,? the leader waved his hand to Ortego.
Ortego stood up. ?There have been recent reports of a thief living in the area around Soli,? he began.
?What do you mean by recent?? The first man who taunted Tyko laughed. ?There?s been reports for years now of thieves living near the village.? This incited further mumbling amongst the others at the table.
The leader slammed his fist down, rattling the table again. ?Let him speak!? he roared.
Ortego continued. ?But this time, we have a description. Someone saw the thief in plain daylight and was able to give us a description of what they looked like.?
?Oh goody,? the same man made a sarcastic gesture. ?Which description? The mountain man? Or the phantom?? This caused the other men to start laughing out loud.
?Actually,? Ortego chuckled before the leader could shout again, ?it matches the phantom better.?
The men all turned to Ortego, mouths gaping. ?What did you say?? the most vocal one asked the youth.
?I said that it matches the ?phantom thief? we?ve heard about recently,? Ortego glanced around the table.
?Phantom?? Tyko asked, raising his hand, sounding skeptical.
?A spirit, or ghost,? Ortego explained to him. ?People sometimes say that there?s a ghost haunting the forest, and that it comes to the village on occasion to steal things to take back with it to the afterlife."
?Is there really such a thing in the forest?? Tyko asked.
?There?s no such thing as phantoms,? Ortego soundly stated. ?It?s just that the thief has long, bright blond hair. When they run through the night, the moonlight makes it look as though the hair and its owner are phantasmal.?
?Anyway,? the leader again took the reigns of conversation, ?Here?s what we?re going to do. Today is the day Tyko takes his initiation, right?? Murmurs of confirmation were heard around the table. ?I say we make his initiation gathering information on the thief. Set him out to be a scout.?
?Sounds like a good idea to me, boss,? a man sitting close to the red-headed leader dribbled out of his round cheeks and fat lips. The rest of the table except Tyko nodded in agreement.
?So it?s a scouting mission?? Tyko sighed. ?This doesn?t even seem like it?s gonna be tough.?
?It?s tough enough for someone?s initiation,? the leader comforted him. ?Don?t worry. If what I heard comes to pass, we?ll all have plenty of tough battles to fight soon.?
Ortego looked over to the leader. ?What do you mean by that??
The leader sighed. ?It?s only a rumor, but I heard that the kingdom up north may be moving its army?s further south to claim more territory.?
?Doesn?t that break the pact they made with Resinia?? The first man asked, sitting up in his chair.
?It?s just a rumor,? the leader said again. ?But it always pays to be careful.? He turned to Ortego. ?Ortego, I want you to show Tyko where the thief was sighted. You know the way there, anyway.? He turned back to the rest of the table. ?The rest of you, go out and do some training. I want to us be prepared to defend the village if we are facing the worst possible scenario. Dismissed!?
The older warriors around the table grunted as they began to move. Ortego and Tyko stood up and followed most of them out. The men turned and walked around the meeting house to the sparring area, but Ortego and Tyko turned away from the town and began heading into the forest.
By the time the meeting was over, the sun had risen completely, shining through the treetops that Tyko and Ortego walked under. The dew still clung fresh to the grass. Tyko enjoyed the chirping of the birds that hadn?t left for the winter yet. A crisp breeze cut through the air between the two companions as they continued walking through the forest.
?You know where we?re going, right Tyko?? Ortego asked.
?To the apple tree grove?? he replied.
Ortego nodded. ?You?ve got quite a memory, Tyko.?
?We used to play there with the rest of the village children all the time when we were younger,? he laughed. ?I remember when you got all of them to hide in the trees when we were playing hide and seek that time.?
?Focus, Tyko,? Ortego warned. ?That?s what I?m worried about.?
?Huh?? Tyko blinked in confusion. ?What do you mean??
?We got that report from a child playing in the forest,? Ortego explained. ?She apparently frightened them off, shouting something about hurting the trees by climbing on them.?
?Wait, ?she??? Tyko gasped. ?You?re having me track a girl??
?What?? Ortego joked. ?Don?t tell me you don?t think you can do it??
?No, I can,? Tyko stood up straighter. ?I mean, it just won?t be fair to her. She won?t stand a chance against me. I?m a tough guy.?
?I have complete faith and confidence in you, Tyko.? Ortego smiled to his friend. ?I mean that.?
?Thanks, Ortego.? Tyko responded, embarrassed.
It took only a few minutes worth of walking to get to the grove. Eight trees were scattered in the clearing in this part of the forest. Their flowers had already fallen off, and many small, green apples could be seen growing on the branches. Some of the apples had already fallen victim to insects, but the majority looked perfectly healthy.
?Okay, we?re here Ortego,? Tyko clinched his fists in excitement. ?What do we do now??
?Well, I?m going back to the village to practice with the rest of the militia,? Ortego said, turning around. ?I was only supposed to show you the way here.?
?So I?m being ditched out here?? Tyko frowned in disappointment.
?Don?t think of it like that,? Ortego put his hand on the younger boy?s shoulder. ?This is your first assignment as part of the militia. It?s your chance to prove to those guys back there that you have what it takes to join us.?
Tyko let out a heavy sigh. ?It?d be easier to catch her if there were two of us, though.?
?We?re not supposed to catch her here, though,? Ortego reminded him. ?We want to find out where she lives, first, so that we may be able to recover some of the goods she?s stolen.?
?I wasn?t told that,? Tyko?s eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
?Oh,? Ortego flushed with embarrassment. ?I talked with the leader before you arrived. He told me about what he was going to have you do.?
?Is there anything else you haven?t told me that I should know?? Tyko asked.
Ortego shook his head. ?No, that?s all. Just come back and tell either me or the leader, and we?ll plan our next course of action depending on the information. Don?t worry, you?ll do fine.?
Tyko sighed again. ?Alright, then. Farewell, Ortego.?
?Farewell, Tyko,? he replied. ?We?ll meet again soon.? With that, he turned and began taking the path back through the forest towards the village.
Tyko stood and waited a few moments after Ortego left, waiting for something to happen. The birds chirped around him, and several other forest animals ran about from tree to tree. But alas, no thief.
?There?s no reason to stand around here and be bored,? Tyko shrugged his shoulders. ?I could practice a bit.?
Tyko drew his sword with his right hand and began swinging it around through the air, stopping at dramatic times. ?Take that, you felon!? he shouted into the air. Quickly spinning around, Tyko struck another invisible foe down with a slash across the torso area. ?Stand down, foul beast!? he shouted again, frightening some birds away.
Tyko continued swinging his sword around, leaping around the area, fighting enemies only he could see. He dodged their unseen blows and tumbled through the grass. He continued practicing for a long time. As the sun began drawing close to over head, Tyko sheathed his sword and wiped the sweat off of his brow. ?That?s enough practicing for now,? he smiled to himself, feeling proud of his regimen.
His stomach quickly reminded him that he hadn?t eaten anything yet this day. Tyko groaned and doubled over under a tree. ?Oh, I?m so hungry?? he whined to himself. ?What I wouldn?t give for a good meal, or just an apple, or something?? He looked up at the unripe fruit that seemed to be mocking his ironic solution. ?And those apples just couldn?t be ripe, could they?? he continued talking to himself.
Tired from his practicing, Tyko let out a yawn. The sun had warmed the grass comfortably. ?I don?t see why I?m complaining?? he said. ?It?ll only be a little bit before that thief comes back here.? He let out another yawn. ?She?s probably just trying to keep the kids away so she can take all the apples herself when they ripen?? Tyko propped himself up under a tree in the warm grass. ?I?ll just wait here?? he nodded, closing his eyes. ?She?ll be here in no time??
In a few more moments, Tyko was fast asleep.
~~~
Um... discuss?
It doesn't have a title yet, so.. yeah...
I'll just start.
EDIT: The stupid dialouge box decieved me! It looked way easier to read that the mishmash that got put up. I've added new "Paragraph spacing lines" to ease reading.
~~~
It was early. Darkness still covered the land, a new had day yet to begin when he started stirring. His eyes flashed open, staring at the ceiling. He hadn?t been able to get much sleep the night before; He was too excited about what today would bring.
Sitting up in the dark, he stretched his arms out and grunted. He heard rustling in the room next to his, and took in a sharp breath. He silently reminded himself that he wasn?t alone in his home, and he didn?t want to wake his mother and repeat the sad scene she had made over dinner the night before.
But he wasn?t going to focus on the past at this moment. He was going to focus on today, because it required his utmost attention. He snuck out of bed, his bare feet tapping the dusty wooden floor.
He groped around the floor for where he had left the pieces of his uniform. He handled several articles of dirty clothing before he came to the familiar rough feeling of the uniform top. When it was sewn, it was a simple tunic, colored blue by various dyes. It had since been blemished with several local varieties of mud, grass and even a little of his own blood when there was an accident during practice.
He quickly slid the top over his nearly bare form and began searching again for the pants that went with the uniform. As he began crawling about on the ground, he pictured them in his mind. They were gray, and usually dirty all over. They were stained mostly near the knees, where he would be crouching in the fields as he worked and played. The material was about as rough as that which made up the tunic; it had taken him a few days to get used to the scratchy material. But he wouldn?t let himself admit to the others he felt the material was uncomfortable. What kind of idea would that birth in them, if he would complain about such a minor matter?
At last as he approached the hall, he found them carefully slung over the knob on the door to his room. He sheepishly pulled the garment off the doorknob and stepped into it. He pulled them up around his midsection, and secured them there with a simple, leather belt. He turned back to face his dark room and began to look it over.
In his mind, it was a child?s room. Clothes were strewn all around and on top of every available surface. Some old, broken toys were piled in the corner, instead of put in a chest and carried to the attic like his mother told him to do before he left today. He decided that when he came back ? when he was a man ? he would finally obey his mother?s request to clean his room.
He crept down the hall, the house still dark as he stepped towards the door. The fireplace was empty, but as autumn and winter would soon be upon them, he knew it wouldn?t be long before he had to begin stacking wood in the crate again.
Placed carefully near the door, on a stool, were two more articles of his clothing. On the top was a bandana. Made from a simple piece of cloth, he tied it around his head. When he received it, it was a crisp and bold white. Now, years later, it had been turned a dim grey with age, stained with sweat from his brow. When his unkempt brown hair became heavy with either his own perspiration or rain from above, it kept the hair out of his eyes.
Under the bandana was a pair of brown leather boots. The boots were also several years old, cracking from their age and extensive use. Balled up inside each was a sock, to ease chafing. He sat down on the stool and pulled the socks up his legs. Each was woolen, grey, and stretched to about halfway between his ankle and his kneecap. He slid into the old boots and fastened them onto his feet.
He looked on the wooden floor and picked up his scabbard. The hilt of the sword was cold in his hand. Standing up, he held the sword out as if it was unsheathed and pointed it towards an invisible assailant. ?Prepare, criminal, for today I will end your immoral ways!? he whispered harshly to his make-believe enemy. Chuckling to himself, attached the scabbard to his belt, the object dangling at his side. Glancing out the window, he saw the morning twilight creeping over the horizon. Not letting another moment pass, he quietly opened the door and slipped out into the morning.
Once outside, he rejoiced in the freedom he had to move faster without making too much additional noise. He stepped quickly up the dirt path that had been beaten to the door of his mother?s home and onto the dirt road that ran through the village. Looking back, he saw his mother?s garden, fenced off by sharp, wooden stakes. The only break in the fence was a gate that allowed his mother inside to water the vegetables.
He continued through the village as the morning sun began peaking over the tallest of the trees that surrounded his hometown. Most of the farmers and their farmhands had already risen, much earlier than he did, and had begun the day?s work. He walked by the large fields and the cattle that inhabited them. Some farmhands were busy cutting and baling the tall grasses that had grown over the summer, in preparation for the coming winter.
He passed several more wooden buildings on the way to his destination. They had been constructed with storefronts in mind, and many had items for sale on display. The village baker was still preparing his bread for the day, and the warm scent filled the young man?s nostrils, causing his stomach to growl.
?Oh?? he said, rather stunned at his forgetfulness. ?I guess I forgot to eat. I hope they have a meal for me when I get there.?
He began stepping faster, causing the sword at his waist to silently clap against his leg.
There wasn?t much farther he had to go, though. His destination was just at the end of the road. It was a hastily constructed building made of wood. It had been around for as long as he could remember. A bronze bell was held in the tower that sprang out of the building. It was to be rung in times of crisis, warning the women and children to hide in their homes and the men to take arms with whatever implements they had available to them.
The boy stepped forward, the morning sun rising behind him and tinting the plain, wooden door an orange hue. He grasped the handle on the door, and pressed the switch down with his thumb. He pulled sharply, causing himself to stumble backwards, surprised at how easily it moved.
The sun poured into the room as the young man stepped inside. Eleven other men, dressed in the same blue and grey uniform sat around a long, rectangular table which was sitting with the short side near the door. Most of them had just finished eating a meal. They were all in excellent physical condition, and many were balding, or had several patches of gray hair on their heads.
?Hey,? one on the far side noted, ?the new kid?s late.? The man had grey on the sides of his short black hair, and a crooked smile on his face.
?Hey, son! Would you like to wash our plates?? a balding man with wrinkles on his face asked to him.
The newcomer swallowed and stepped inside. ?What?s wrong?? the first man called to him. ?Did we hurt your feelings, son??
?That?s enough.? A third, younger man said, standing up from the long side of the table to the young man?s left. The one who stood up turned his eyes, sharp like arrowheads, towards the two men who had been heckling the young man. ?Show respect to those who would put themselves in danger to fight along side you.?
The fighters who had been taunting the young man silenced themselves.
The one who stood up walked over to the door where the young man stood. His sharp brown eyes softened upon the sight of the younger. ?I don?t understand how you take this, Tyko,? he said, shrugging his shoulders. ?I?d have lost my temper with these old men a while ago.?
Tyko smirked. ?These guys aren?t worth my time, Ortego. I?ve more important things to concern myself with.?
Ortego beckoned Tyko to follow him. ?So, you?re quite excited about today, eh?? he smiled. ?Don?t get disappointed if your mission isn?t as exciting as you would like.?
?Hey, what do you mean by that?,? Tyko raised an eyebrow as he and Ortego were seated.
?Patience,? Ortego smiled back at him, ruffling the tangled hair on the younger boy?s head. ?You?ll learn soon enough.?
?Alright, settle down,? the man at the head of the table shouted over the noise that was made upon Tyko?s entrance. ?I?m glad we?re all here now.?
?If that new kid wasn?t late, we?d be done by now,? one of the men who had taunted Tyko shouted.
?Didn?t I just say to shut your mouth?? the man at the end of the table shouted again. ?You don?t disobey your leader like that!?
Tyko silently thanked the muscular man. His head was crowned in hair that resembled fire. He sat back down and slammed his metal cup against the table, causing everyone?s tableware to shake. Everyone fell silent as the man cleared his throat.
?That?s better,? the leader started off. ?I bring this meeting to order.?
?Well, what?s it about?? shouted a man larger than the rest. The older men all muttered in agreement with him, grumbling to know why they had been woken up so early this day.
?May I?? Ortego turned to the leader and asked.
?By all means,? the leader waved his hand to Ortego.
Ortego stood up. ?There have been recent reports of a thief living in the area around Soli,? he began.
?What do you mean by recent?? The first man who taunted Tyko laughed. ?There?s been reports for years now of thieves living near the village.? This incited further mumbling amongst the others at the table.
The leader slammed his fist down, rattling the table again. ?Let him speak!? he roared.
Ortego continued. ?But this time, we have a description. Someone saw the thief in plain daylight and was able to give us a description of what they looked like.?
?Oh goody,? the same man made a sarcastic gesture. ?Which description? The mountain man? Or the phantom?? This caused the other men to start laughing out loud.
?Actually,? Ortego chuckled before the leader could shout again, ?it matches the phantom better.?
The men all turned to Ortego, mouths gaping. ?What did you say?? the most vocal one asked the youth.
?I said that it matches the ?phantom thief? we?ve heard about recently,? Ortego glanced around the table.
?Phantom?? Tyko asked, raising his hand, sounding skeptical.
?A spirit, or ghost,? Ortego explained to him. ?People sometimes say that there?s a ghost haunting the forest, and that it comes to the village on occasion to steal things to take back with it to the afterlife."
?Is there really such a thing in the forest?? Tyko asked.
?There?s no such thing as phantoms,? Ortego soundly stated. ?It?s just that the thief has long, bright blond hair. When they run through the night, the moonlight makes it look as though the hair and its owner are phantasmal.?
?Anyway,? the leader again took the reigns of conversation, ?Here?s what we?re going to do. Today is the day Tyko takes his initiation, right?? Murmurs of confirmation were heard around the table. ?I say we make his initiation gathering information on the thief. Set him out to be a scout.?
?Sounds like a good idea to me, boss,? a man sitting close to the red-headed leader dribbled out of his round cheeks and fat lips. The rest of the table except Tyko nodded in agreement.
?So it?s a scouting mission?? Tyko sighed. ?This doesn?t even seem like it?s gonna be tough.?
?It?s tough enough for someone?s initiation,? the leader comforted him. ?Don?t worry. If what I heard comes to pass, we?ll all have plenty of tough battles to fight soon.?
Ortego looked over to the leader. ?What do you mean by that??
The leader sighed. ?It?s only a rumor, but I heard that the kingdom up north may be moving its army?s further south to claim more territory.?
?Doesn?t that break the pact they made with Resinia?? The first man asked, sitting up in his chair.
?It?s just a rumor,? the leader said again. ?But it always pays to be careful.? He turned to Ortego. ?Ortego, I want you to show Tyko where the thief was sighted. You know the way there, anyway.? He turned back to the rest of the table. ?The rest of you, go out and do some training. I want to us be prepared to defend the village if we are facing the worst possible scenario. Dismissed!?
The older warriors around the table grunted as they began to move. Ortego and Tyko stood up and followed most of them out. The men turned and walked around the meeting house to the sparring area, but Ortego and Tyko turned away from the town and began heading into the forest.
By the time the meeting was over, the sun had risen completely, shining through the treetops that Tyko and Ortego walked under. The dew still clung fresh to the grass. Tyko enjoyed the chirping of the birds that hadn?t left for the winter yet. A crisp breeze cut through the air between the two companions as they continued walking through the forest.
?You know where we?re going, right Tyko?? Ortego asked.
?To the apple tree grove?? he replied.
Ortego nodded. ?You?ve got quite a memory, Tyko.?
?We used to play there with the rest of the village children all the time when we were younger,? he laughed. ?I remember when you got all of them to hide in the trees when we were playing hide and seek that time.?
?Focus, Tyko,? Ortego warned. ?That?s what I?m worried about.?
?Huh?? Tyko blinked in confusion. ?What do you mean??
?We got that report from a child playing in the forest,? Ortego explained. ?She apparently frightened them off, shouting something about hurting the trees by climbing on them.?
?Wait, ?she??? Tyko gasped. ?You?re having me track a girl??
?What?? Ortego joked. ?Don?t tell me you don?t think you can do it??
?No, I can,? Tyko stood up straighter. ?I mean, it just won?t be fair to her. She won?t stand a chance against me. I?m a tough guy.?
?I have complete faith and confidence in you, Tyko.? Ortego smiled to his friend. ?I mean that.?
?Thanks, Ortego.? Tyko responded, embarrassed.
It took only a few minutes worth of walking to get to the grove. Eight trees were scattered in the clearing in this part of the forest. Their flowers had already fallen off, and many small, green apples could be seen growing on the branches. Some of the apples had already fallen victim to insects, but the majority looked perfectly healthy.
?Okay, we?re here Ortego,? Tyko clinched his fists in excitement. ?What do we do now??
?Well, I?m going back to the village to practice with the rest of the militia,? Ortego said, turning around. ?I was only supposed to show you the way here.?
?So I?m being ditched out here?? Tyko frowned in disappointment.
?Don?t think of it like that,? Ortego put his hand on the younger boy?s shoulder. ?This is your first assignment as part of the militia. It?s your chance to prove to those guys back there that you have what it takes to join us.?
Tyko let out a heavy sigh. ?It?d be easier to catch her if there were two of us, though.?
?We?re not supposed to catch her here, though,? Ortego reminded him. ?We want to find out where she lives, first, so that we may be able to recover some of the goods she?s stolen.?
?I wasn?t told that,? Tyko?s eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
?Oh,? Ortego flushed with embarrassment. ?I talked with the leader before you arrived. He told me about what he was going to have you do.?
?Is there anything else you haven?t told me that I should know?? Tyko asked.
Ortego shook his head. ?No, that?s all. Just come back and tell either me or the leader, and we?ll plan our next course of action depending on the information. Don?t worry, you?ll do fine.?
Tyko sighed again. ?Alright, then. Farewell, Ortego.?
?Farewell, Tyko,? he replied. ?We?ll meet again soon.? With that, he turned and began taking the path back through the forest towards the village.
Tyko stood and waited a few moments after Ortego left, waiting for something to happen. The birds chirped around him, and several other forest animals ran about from tree to tree. But alas, no thief.
?There?s no reason to stand around here and be bored,? Tyko shrugged his shoulders. ?I could practice a bit.?
Tyko drew his sword with his right hand and began swinging it around through the air, stopping at dramatic times. ?Take that, you felon!? he shouted into the air. Quickly spinning around, Tyko struck another invisible foe down with a slash across the torso area. ?Stand down, foul beast!? he shouted again, frightening some birds away.
Tyko continued swinging his sword around, leaping around the area, fighting enemies only he could see. He dodged their unseen blows and tumbled through the grass. He continued practicing for a long time. As the sun began drawing close to over head, Tyko sheathed his sword and wiped the sweat off of his brow. ?That?s enough practicing for now,? he smiled to himself, feeling proud of his regimen.
His stomach quickly reminded him that he hadn?t eaten anything yet this day. Tyko groaned and doubled over under a tree. ?Oh, I?m so hungry?? he whined to himself. ?What I wouldn?t give for a good meal, or just an apple, or something?? He looked up at the unripe fruit that seemed to be mocking his ironic solution. ?And those apples just couldn?t be ripe, could they?? he continued talking to himself.
Tired from his practicing, Tyko let out a yawn. The sun had warmed the grass comfortably. ?I don?t see why I?m complaining?? he said. ?It?ll only be a little bit before that thief comes back here.? He let out another yawn. ?She?s probably just trying to keep the kids away so she can take all the apples herself when they ripen?? Tyko propped himself up under a tree in the warm grass. ?I?ll just wait here?? he nodded, closing his eyes. ?She?ll be here in no time??
In a few more moments, Tyko was fast asleep.
~~~
Um... discuss?
| QUOTE (OtterWater @ Oct 26 2007, 01:26 AM) |
| Very nice. Try not to box yourself into cliches if you can; not that you have, but this seems like it could take that route when I look at some of the characters. Want me to edit it for you? |
Could you provide an explanation of what cliches you are predicting, in as clear language as you can provide?
And what do you mean by "editing?" Like, changing wording here and there and stuff? Or catching minor typographical mistakes (like forgetting to close quotation marks)?
| QUOTE |
| Could you provide an explanation of what cliches you are predicting, in as clear language as you can provide? And what do you mean by "editing?" Like, changing wording here and there and stuff? Or catching minor typographical mistakes (like forgetting to close quotation marks)? |
Cliches: You've got the whole "young man with a sword" character, who is one of the most typical protagonists ever, and the "new kid" bit. I also fear that the female thief is a future love interest, but I may just be paranoid here. Like I said, though, you don't seem to be following up on these with ultra-cliches, which is awesome.
There are way too many tired patterns floating around in fiction these days; when I suffer through enough of them, I just give up reading the work. This doesn't seem to be an issue here, thank god - I just hope it'll stay like that, because I really did enjoy reading this.
As for editing, it's mainly just grammatical stuff. In the second sentence, for instance, you wrote: "Darkness still covered the land, a new had day yet to begin when he started stirring." The comma shouldn't be there - you'll want a semicolon or something similar. That caught my eye, but most of this was very cleanly written, now that I look at it more closely.
I don't mess with the actual text or specific words unless they're obviously out of place. Excessive rewriting is an insult to the author; if the work is that bad, it should be trashed, not covered up.
I'd like to read more of this. It's good, trust me - I'm just nitpicky about writing.
Here is the second chapter if anyone wants to read it. Forgive me for any clich?s that you may trip over.
~~~
A chopping sound roused Tyko from his slumber. He yawned, and felt something was amiss immediately. Quickly, he opened his eyes and looked down. A thin brown rope had been tied around him several times, securing him to the tree after he had fallen asleep. He flexed his arms against it, struggling to break free. However, the rope held very well, securing him against the tree he had been napping under.
?I must have fallen asleep?? he grunted to himself. ?I can?t believe this??
?You better start,? a young woman?s voice called from above him.
Tyko looked up, but didn?t see anyone in the tree. ?Who?s there? Who are you??
The person in the tree laughed. ?I?m probably the person that tied you to that tree,? she replied.
?Well, then are you that phantom thief they?ve been talking about in the village?? Tyko asked.
?Yes I am,? the young woman responded. ?Are you part of that police group that tries to catch thieves like myself??
?Well, not officially yet,? Tyko sighed. ?And now I don?t think I?ll ever get in.?
?Why is that?? she asked.
?This was supposed to be my initiation mission,? he said. ?When I completed this one successfully, there were going to let me join.?
A few birds jumped from a nearby tree into the tree Tyko was attached to. The person above him swatted at the birds, and they flew off.
?What mission was that supposed to be?? the girl above him asked as she frightened the birds away.
?I was supposed to find the person who scared the children away,? he spoke towards the clear sky. ?To find, you, I guess.?
?Well, I guess you really botched this mission, didn?t you?? she asked again. Tyko could hear her moving to another tree branch above him and swatting at more birds.
?I made a fool of myself,? he replied. ?I was supposed to catch you, and I?m the one who got caught sleeping on the job. You could have killed me if you wanted to.?
?It?s not how I do things,? she said. ?I?d rather make you all a laughing stock than get blood on my hands.?
There was another chopping sound, and then a small branch fell from the tree and hit Tyko on the head. He shook it off.
?Sorry, didn?t mean to hit you,? the girl?s voice replied again. ?Just pruning the tree.?
?Prune?? Tyko blinked. ?These are apple trees.?
?No, I mean I?m cutting off some of these older, less productive branches,? she clarified. ?It?s so that the other branches bear more fruit.?
?Really?? Tyko blinked. ?I didn?t know you could do that.?
?You don?t seem to know a lot,? the girl joked. ?Most of the time, when you?re trying to catch something, you don?t just take a nap in the middle of waiting for it.?
Tyko hung his head in embarrassment. ?You make a good point when you say that,? he said, ashamed. ?I really messed up, huh??
He heard a branch flex and then saw the girl land in the grass in front of him, causing nearby animals to dart back into the brush. The way she landed, her skirt, which was much shorter than any Tyko had seen in his village, flipped up for a moment, allowing him to catch a glimpse of her bottom, covered in a thin, silken material. As she stood up and turned to him, she began to speak again. ?If you want my opinion,? she said, the smirk on her face easily seen by Tyko, ?then yes, you have messed this one up pretty badly.? Her face was framed in long, golden locks that seemed to taper off down her back. She wore was seemed to be a deep red tunic, almost maroon in color. The skirt seemed like it was tailored to her fashion, showing off her smooth legs. Tyko?s eyes would have continued up her form, had his scabbard attached her belt not caught his eye.
Without warning, she kicked him in the chest. ?Hey, pay attention!? she shouted at him, her emerald colored eyes cutting through him.
Tyko choked for a moment, and then caught the breath that the thief had knocked out of him. ?T-that?s my sword,? he looked at the blade at the girl?s side.
?It?s pretty nice,? she smirked. ?I mean, I?ve seen better, but it?s a solid weapon. It was really good at pruning some of those branches.? She drew it from its scabbard and held it up to the sunlight, reflecting the sunlight into Tyko?s eyes for a moment.
?Could you give it back?? Tyko asked, turning his head to avoid the reflected light. ?I really like that sword.?
?Aren?t you gonna try to take it back?? she bent over slightly and dangled the sword behind her. ?I can?t be that tough, can I??
Tyko let his head sag. ?I can?t do anything right now. Please, may I just have it back??
The thief was dumbfounded. ?You?re just giving up??
?It?s really important to me. I got it from a good friend of mine,? Tyko explained. ?He gave it to me when he started training me to join the militia.?
?You really think I?m gonna buy that story?? she asked. ?You?re just trying to get me to let my guard down.?
?It wouldn?t matter if I was tied up or not,? he sighed. ?I?m not even that good with it. You?d probably have taken it anyway.?
Sighing, the girl shook her head. ?I?m not gonna give it back to you. You?ve got to learn a lesson for being so careless,? she told him. ?But I?ll leave you here so that your buddies can come and get you.?
Tyko cringed. He could picture the older men looking down at him, laughing. Ortego would be disappointed. He?d never be allowed to join. He would be a failure. ?P-please don?t leave me here!? he shouted in a panicked reply.
?Do you even think before you speak?? the blonde girl asked him. ?What would I do with you if I didn?t leave you here??
?You? you could take me hostage!? Tyko offered, thinking quickly. ?My friend is really important to the town?s militia. You might be able to negotiate something out for my return.? Tyko continued to look pitiful on the outside, but inside his mind, he was already planning ahead. If I can get her to untie me, I might have a chance to tackle her and get my sword back. Or I might be able to flee and get help. It would be better than getting found tied up. Anything would.
?I see?? the thief began stroking her bare chin. ?So by leaving you here, I?d be passing up an opportunity for some protection from those guys or possibly something else.? A wry grin appeared on her face. ?Well, I guess since you?re so insistent, I?ll just have to take you prisoner.?
?Thank you, ma?am? Tyko smiled, hoping that she would go according to his plan.
?Please don?t call me that,? she shook her head, her blonde hair bouncing around her face. ?I?m not even that much older than you are, I?d bet. Call me Koyuna.? She returned his drawn sword to the sheath at her side. Koyuna began reaching into a small bag that was also attached to her belt. She pulled out an even smaller pouch from the bag. She kneeled down infront of Tyko and held the pouch open. ?Just go ahead and breathe this in for a second,? she instructed him.
?W-why?? Tyko swallowed, knowing that this was part of a trap.
?Because if you don?t, I?ll just leave you here,? Koyuna threatened in return.
Knowing that this was his only chance at getting free, Tyko sighed and did as he was instructed. Koyuna raised the bag up to his nose, and he inhaled. A spicy, itchy scent traveled into his face and seemed to put pressure on his brain. He looked up at Koyuna, a delinquent smile on her face. His eyes seemed to become heavy, and turned down, following the chain around Koyuna?s neck that seemed to disappear somewhere in her cleavage. His eyes sealed shut, and his body became unresponsive.
Tyko felt like he was dreaming. He couldn?t see anything but he felt a tightness around him disappear. He felt his body fall down, but at the same time, felt no pain, as if he was disconnected from himself, and was similarly either unable to move or unable to tell if he was moving. Tyko tried to focus his thoughts on what sensations he should have been feeling, but his thinking seemed clouded. He felt his legs drag against the ground, but couldn?t for the life of him remember who was dragging him, to where he was being taken, and for what reason. The only things he could realize were that he was being moved, and that he couldn?t focus enough to recall any information. He also seemed to be unable to grasp the flow of time, for as in what seemed like a few moments, he ceased moving, and the binding tightness returned.
When he heard the sounds of birds, he knew that his hearing had been restored. He heard a door slam shut, and then something else snap open. His mind was clearing up, and he began recalling the situation. He had been tied up and captured by the thief, who called herself Koyuna. He had been tied up because he was sleeping in the forest when she came by. He was in the forest because Ortego-
Tyko?s eyes flicked open, breaking his backwards train of thought. The sun was no longer overhead. It was hanging lazily in the afternoon sky. For a moment, Tyko thought he was still in the grove, connected to the same tree, but a quick glance at his surroundings proved this to be false.
A small wooden house was standing in this clearing, with Tyko tied to a tree on the in front of the house, off to its left. The shutters were open, and someone was inside, humming loudly as they worked. That must be Koyuna, Tyko thought to himself. It?s probably some sort of torture, leaving me tied here without anything to eat. Upon thinking that, his stomach reminded him audibly that it had been all day, and nothing had entered it.
Tyko returned his attention to the house. It seemed as though it was tall enough to have two floors, with a smaller attached room to the right of the door that Tyko thought could use being replaced. It was that small accessory room that had its shutters open, and sounds of Koyuna doing something could be heard from inside. The building had no signs of refinement or even reasonable upkeep. In fact, it seemed that one large tree was used as a far corner for the construction and it seemed there was a bird?s nest constructed on a windowsill.
Directly next to the house on the left side was a mound of overturned dirt. Nothing seemed to be growing on it, other than a few sparse blades of grass. Tyko squinted to see a few dried flowers left on the mound, their vitality already expelled.
Looking back out over through the forest, he could tell that he was deep inside, and that this clearing may have been made by the carpenters who had built the house. He could see no recognizable scenery. He dismissed his attempts at finding his way home as soon as he resumed his struggle against the rope. Sadly, he concluded that he was going no where, and that he was at Koyuna?s mercy.
Might as well figure out why she brought me here, he thought to his depressed self. ?Hey!? he called out to the window. ?Can you hear me??
The loud humming stopped, and in a few moments, Koyuna had opened the door and stuck her head outside. ?I was wondering when you?d wake up,? she smiled.
?Why did you bring me here?? he asked. ?I thought you were going to try to bargain with the town.?
?That?s for tomorrow,? Koyuna explained. ?I need to keep you here so I can keep an eye on you. Besides, I doubt anyone will find you out here, and in that grove, you were practically on display.?
Tyko cringed. ?So you?re keeping me tied up outside like a dog?? he asked.
?That?s the idea,? she smirked. ?Enjoy the view, since it won?t be changing until I want to take you back to the village.? That said, she turned back into her house, cackling at Tyko?s plight, and returned to whatever she was doing that remained unseen.
Tyko returned to struggling against his bindings, but was making no progress. He slouched down and resigned himself to his fate. Koyuna had outsmarted him at every turn, and there was little that he could do in his current predicament.
The wind that blew through was no longer cool. It pressed on Tyko with the heat that it had gathered from the day. The tree he sat under held this hot air over him, smothering him in a thick layer of humidity. He remained strong through it all, not letting Koyuna break him with the weather, the solitude, or the scent that began wafting out of he open shutters. Tyko?s nose immediately grasped onto the scent of cooking food and latched onto it tightly. He could tell that it was some sort of meat, slowly roasting over some form of fire. Tyko?s mouth slid open slightly, and he began unconsciously drooling onto his uniform. Tyko felt the warm wind on his tongue, and immediately closed his mouth.
But still the scent remained. It lingered around Tyko?s face, tapping his lips seductively. He took in the delicious scent into his lungs, and then let a loud gasp out of his mouth.
The sounds that were going along in the building ceased once again, and Koyuna stuck her head outside the door. ?What was that?? she asked. ?Did you get bitten by something??
Tyko shook his head. ?No, I was just sitting here, thinking.?
Koyuna snickered to herself. ?About what??
?Well, I forgot breakfast this morning, and I think I slept through lunch time,? he began explaining, embarrassment tinting his cheeks.
?So you?re hungry?? Koyuna almost laughed at him.
?Y-yeah?? he sighed. ?Could I please have something to eat??
Koyuna was befuddled at how polite her prisoner acted. ?Well, you were raised to be respectful, so I guess that?s a plus for you.? She looked inside her home for a moment and then turned back to Tyko. ?Tell you what; I?ll consider giving you some of my leftovers to eat if you behave yourself out here. Do you understand??
?I do,? he replied. ?Thank you.?
Koyuna quickly turned away from him. ?H-hey! You?re my prisoner! You
shouldn?t be thanking me!? She slammed the door behind her and Tyko could hear her stomping through the kitchen, returning to her cooking.
A few moments of silence passed before Koyuna continued talking to Tyko. ?You?re way too cheerful for someone who?s being held against his will,? she projected her voice through the open window.
?I guess I?m just trying to look at the positives,? he said. ?I mean, you said you?d feed me, and I am really hungry.?
?But still,? she continued, ?you?re acting very courteous and respectful. If our places were switched, I?d be making as much ruckus as I could.?
?I guess that?s something that makes us different,? Tyko replied.
?Did your father teach you to be nice to girls or something?? Koyuna asked, joking.
A needle punctured Tyko?s heart. ??No, no he didn?t,? he said after a moment of hesitation.
That moment wasn?t wasted on Koyuna. ?You hesitated,? she said. Tyko could almost hear the grin on her face. ?Did I finally strike a nerve??
?No, it?s not that,? Tyko replied. ?I never really knew my father, is all. It?s not something I think about much.?
?Be glad,? Koyuna sighed loudly through the open window. ?It?s very hard to lose a loved one.?
A heavy, stiff silence filled the space between them for what felt like a few hours. The sun was setting behind the trees, and the shadows of the trees overtook Tyko and most of the small house. From inside, he could hear chairs shuffling around the floor. Listening closely, he could almost hear the sounds of the wooden legs scratching across a wooden surface as Koyuna moved her furniture about.
Tyko decided to break the silence. ?Did? did you lose someone important to you?? he asked into the open window.
There was no response.
Until the door opened. Koyuna slowly stepped out of her darkened home into the twilight. Her green eyes lacked the energy they had shined with earlier in the day. ?I can?t believe I?m asking you this?? she laughed, ?but what?s your name??
Tyko noticed something different about this particular laugh. It sounded sweeter than the harsh cackling that she had assaulted him with earlier that day. She almost looked embarrassed.
?That is,? she continued before he could respond. ?I don?t feel we?ve been properly introduced.? He could see her eyes, looking into the dimly lit forest, not gazing fiercely at him like she had when he was her captive.
?I?m, my name is Tyko,? he stuttered to get out. ?Tyko Sagil.? He swallowed, unsure of what to make of the thief?s change in personality.
?I?m? I?m Koyuna?? she said, trying to conceal an unknown fear of her own. ?Koyuna Hastleburn.? She stepped around Tyko and the tree. ?If I untie you, will you run away from me?? she asked from where he couldn?t see her face.
?Well, I guess not,? Tyko responded. ?You?re going to feed me, aren?t you??
?Well, yes,? she said. ?But you?re still my prisoner. Don?t forget that.?
Tyko felt the rope start to slacken, and then fall loosely to the ground. He stood up and stretched his arms upward. ?Gosh, that was uncomfortable,? he stifled a yawn. He felt something poke him in the back. Turning his head, he saw Koyuna prodding him toward the open door to her house with his sword. ?C?mon, you?re still my prisoner. Let?s go.?
Tyko sighed at the formality and walked forward, stopping at the opened door before Koyuna gently poked him again. He stepped inside the dimly lit house, almost tripping over the threshold as he stepped inside.
~~~
Anything? From anyone? Any thoughts at all, even if you think they're silly, will be appreciated.
~~~
A chopping sound roused Tyko from his slumber. He yawned, and felt something was amiss immediately. Quickly, he opened his eyes and looked down. A thin brown rope had been tied around him several times, securing him to the tree after he had fallen asleep. He flexed his arms against it, struggling to break free. However, the rope held very well, securing him against the tree he had been napping under.
?I must have fallen asleep?? he grunted to himself. ?I can?t believe this??
?You better start,? a young woman?s voice called from above him.
Tyko looked up, but didn?t see anyone in the tree. ?Who?s there? Who are you??
The person in the tree laughed. ?I?m probably the person that tied you to that tree,? she replied.
?Well, then are you that phantom thief they?ve been talking about in the village?? Tyko asked.
?Yes I am,? the young woman responded. ?Are you part of that police group that tries to catch thieves like myself??
?Well, not officially yet,? Tyko sighed. ?And now I don?t think I?ll ever get in.?
?Why is that?? she asked.
?This was supposed to be my initiation mission,? he said. ?When I completed this one successfully, there were going to let me join.?
A few birds jumped from a nearby tree into the tree Tyko was attached to. The person above him swatted at the birds, and they flew off.
?What mission was that supposed to be?? the girl above him asked as she frightened the birds away.
?I was supposed to find the person who scared the children away,? he spoke towards the clear sky. ?To find, you, I guess.?
?Well, I guess you really botched this mission, didn?t you?? she asked again. Tyko could hear her moving to another tree branch above him and swatting at more birds.
?I made a fool of myself,? he replied. ?I was supposed to catch you, and I?m the one who got caught sleeping on the job. You could have killed me if you wanted to.?
?It?s not how I do things,? she said. ?I?d rather make you all a laughing stock than get blood on my hands.?
There was another chopping sound, and then a small branch fell from the tree and hit Tyko on the head. He shook it off.
?Sorry, didn?t mean to hit you,? the girl?s voice replied again. ?Just pruning the tree.?
?Prune?? Tyko blinked. ?These are apple trees.?
?No, I mean I?m cutting off some of these older, less productive branches,? she clarified. ?It?s so that the other branches bear more fruit.?
?Really?? Tyko blinked. ?I didn?t know you could do that.?
?You don?t seem to know a lot,? the girl joked. ?Most of the time, when you?re trying to catch something, you don?t just take a nap in the middle of waiting for it.?
Tyko hung his head in embarrassment. ?You make a good point when you say that,? he said, ashamed. ?I really messed up, huh??
He heard a branch flex and then saw the girl land in the grass in front of him, causing nearby animals to dart back into the brush. The way she landed, her skirt, which was much shorter than any Tyko had seen in his village, flipped up for a moment, allowing him to catch a glimpse of her bottom, covered in a thin, silken material. As she stood up and turned to him, she began to speak again. ?If you want my opinion,? she said, the smirk on her face easily seen by Tyko, ?then yes, you have messed this one up pretty badly.? Her face was framed in long, golden locks that seemed to taper off down her back. She wore was seemed to be a deep red tunic, almost maroon in color. The skirt seemed like it was tailored to her fashion, showing off her smooth legs. Tyko?s eyes would have continued up her form, had his scabbard attached her belt not caught his eye.
Without warning, she kicked him in the chest. ?Hey, pay attention!? she shouted at him, her emerald colored eyes cutting through him.
Tyko choked for a moment, and then caught the breath that the thief had knocked out of him. ?T-that?s my sword,? he looked at the blade at the girl?s side.
?It?s pretty nice,? she smirked. ?I mean, I?ve seen better, but it?s a solid weapon. It was really good at pruning some of those branches.? She drew it from its scabbard and held it up to the sunlight, reflecting the sunlight into Tyko?s eyes for a moment.
?Could you give it back?? Tyko asked, turning his head to avoid the reflected light. ?I really like that sword.?
?Aren?t you gonna try to take it back?? she bent over slightly and dangled the sword behind her. ?I can?t be that tough, can I??
Tyko let his head sag. ?I can?t do anything right now. Please, may I just have it back??
The thief was dumbfounded. ?You?re just giving up??
?It?s really important to me. I got it from a good friend of mine,? Tyko explained. ?He gave it to me when he started training me to join the militia.?
?You really think I?m gonna buy that story?? she asked. ?You?re just trying to get me to let my guard down.?
?It wouldn?t matter if I was tied up or not,? he sighed. ?I?m not even that good with it. You?d probably have taken it anyway.?
Sighing, the girl shook her head. ?I?m not gonna give it back to you. You?ve got to learn a lesson for being so careless,? she told him. ?But I?ll leave you here so that your buddies can come and get you.?
Tyko cringed. He could picture the older men looking down at him, laughing. Ortego would be disappointed. He?d never be allowed to join. He would be a failure. ?P-please don?t leave me here!? he shouted in a panicked reply.
?Do you even think before you speak?? the blonde girl asked him. ?What would I do with you if I didn?t leave you here??
?You? you could take me hostage!? Tyko offered, thinking quickly. ?My friend is really important to the town?s militia. You might be able to negotiate something out for my return.? Tyko continued to look pitiful on the outside, but inside his mind, he was already planning ahead. If I can get her to untie me, I might have a chance to tackle her and get my sword back. Or I might be able to flee and get help. It would be better than getting found tied up. Anything would.
?I see?? the thief began stroking her bare chin. ?So by leaving you here, I?d be passing up an opportunity for some protection from those guys or possibly something else.? A wry grin appeared on her face. ?Well, I guess since you?re so insistent, I?ll just have to take you prisoner.?
?Thank you, ma?am? Tyko smiled, hoping that she would go according to his plan.
?Please don?t call me that,? she shook her head, her blonde hair bouncing around her face. ?I?m not even that much older than you are, I?d bet. Call me Koyuna.? She returned his drawn sword to the sheath at her side. Koyuna began reaching into a small bag that was also attached to her belt. She pulled out an even smaller pouch from the bag. She kneeled down infront of Tyko and held the pouch open. ?Just go ahead and breathe this in for a second,? she instructed him.
?W-why?? Tyko swallowed, knowing that this was part of a trap.
?Because if you don?t, I?ll just leave you here,? Koyuna threatened in return.
Knowing that this was his only chance at getting free, Tyko sighed and did as he was instructed. Koyuna raised the bag up to his nose, and he inhaled. A spicy, itchy scent traveled into his face and seemed to put pressure on his brain. He looked up at Koyuna, a delinquent smile on her face. His eyes seemed to become heavy, and turned down, following the chain around Koyuna?s neck that seemed to disappear somewhere in her cleavage. His eyes sealed shut, and his body became unresponsive.
Tyko felt like he was dreaming. He couldn?t see anything but he felt a tightness around him disappear. He felt his body fall down, but at the same time, felt no pain, as if he was disconnected from himself, and was similarly either unable to move or unable to tell if he was moving. Tyko tried to focus his thoughts on what sensations he should have been feeling, but his thinking seemed clouded. He felt his legs drag against the ground, but couldn?t for the life of him remember who was dragging him, to where he was being taken, and for what reason. The only things he could realize were that he was being moved, and that he couldn?t focus enough to recall any information. He also seemed to be unable to grasp the flow of time, for as in what seemed like a few moments, he ceased moving, and the binding tightness returned.
When he heard the sounds of birds, he knew that his hearing had been restored. He heard a door slam shut, and then something else snap open. His mind was clearing up, and he began recalling the situation. He had been tied up and captured by the thief, who called herself Koyuna. He had been tied up because he was sleeping in the forest when she came by. He was in the forest because Ortego-
Tyko?s eyes flicked open, breaking his backwards train of thought. The sun was no longer overhead. It was hanging lazily in the afternoon sky. For a moment, Tyko thought he was still in the grove, connected to the same tree, but a quick glance at his surroundings proved this to be false.
A small wooden house was standing in this clearing, with Tyko tied to a tree on the in front of the house, off to its left. The shutters were open, and someone was inside, humming loudly as they worked. That must be Koyuna, Tyko thought to himself. It?s probably some sort of torture, leaving me tied here without anything to eat. Upon thinking that, his stomach reminded him audibly that it had been all day, and nothing had entered it.
Tyko returned his attention to the house. It seemed as though it was tall enough to have two floors, with a smaller attached room to the right of the door that Tyko thought could use being replaced. It was that small accessory room that had its shutters open, and sounds of Koyuna doing something could be heard from inside. The building had no signs of refinement or even reasonable upkeep. In fact, it seemed that one large tree was used as a far corner for the construction and it seemed there was a bird?s nest constructed on a windowsill.
Directly next to the house on the left side was a mound of overturned dirt. Nothing seemed to be growing on it, other than a few sparse blades of grass. Tyko squinted to see a few dried flowers left on the mound, their vitality already expelled.
Looking back out over through the forest, he could tell that he was deep inside, and that this clearing may have been made by the carpenters who had built the house. He could see no recognizable scenery. He dismissed his attempts at finding his way home as soon as he resumed his struggle against the rope. Sadly, he concluded that he was going no where, and that he was at Koyuna?s mercy.
Might as well figure out why she brought me here, he thought to his depressed self. ?Hey!? he called out to the window. ?Can you hear me??
The loud humming stopped, and in a few moments, Koyuna had opened the door and stuck her head outside. ?I was wondering when you?d wake up,? she smiled.
?Why did you bring me here?? he asked. ?I thought you were going to try to bargain with the town.?
?That?s for tomorrow,? Koyuna explained. ?I need to keep you here so I can keep an eye on you. Besides, I doubt anyone will find you out here, and in that grove, you were practically on display.?
Tyko cringed. ?So you?re keeping me tied up outside like a dog?? he asked.
?That?s the idea,? she smirked. ?Enjoy the view, since it won?t be changing until I want to take you back to the village.? That said, she turned back into her house, cackling at Tyko?s plight, and returned to whatever she was doing that remained unseen.
Tyko returned to struggling against his bindings, but was making no progress. He slouched down and resigned himself to his fate. Koyuna had outsmarted him at every turn, and there was little that he could do in his current predicament.
The wind that blew through was no longer cool. It pressed on Tyko with the heat that it had gathered from the day. The tree he sat under held this hot air over him, smothering him in a thick layer of humidity. He remained strong through it all, not letting Koyuna break him with the weather, the solitude, or the scent that began wafting out of he open shutters. Tyko?s nose immediately grasped onto the scent of cooking food and latched onto it tightly. He could tell that it was some sort of meat, slowly roasting over some form of fire. Tyko?s mouth slid open slightly, and he began unconsciously drooling onto his uniform. Tyko felt the warm wind on his tongue, and immediately closed his mouth.
But still the scent remained. It lingered around Tyko?s face, tapping his lips seductively. He took in the delicious scent into his lungs, and then let a loud gasp out of his mouth.
The sounds that were going along in the building ceased once again, and Koyuna stuck her head outside the door. ?What was that?? she asked. ?Did you get bitten by something??
Tyko shook his head. ?No, I was just sitting here, thinking.?
Koyuna snickered to herself. ?About what??
?Well, I forgot breakfast this morning, and I think I slept through lunch time,? he began explaining, embarrassment tinting his cheeks.
?So you?re hungry?? Koyuna almost laughed at him.
?Y-yeah?? he sighed. ?Could I please have something to eat??
Koyuna was befuddled at how polite her prisoner acted. ?Well, you were raised to be respectful, so I guess that?s a plus for you.? She looked inside her home for a moment and then turned back to Tyko. ?Tell you what; I?ll consider giving you some of my leftovers to eat if you behave yourself out here. Do you understand??
?I do,? he replied. ?Thank you.?
Koyuna quickly turned away from him. ?H-hey! You?re my prisoner! You
shouldn?t be thanking me!? She slammed the door behind her and Tyko could hear her stomping through the kitchen, returning to her cooking.
A few moments of silence passed before Koyuna continued talking to Tyko. ?You?re way too cheerful for someone who?s being held against his will,? she projected her voice through the open window.
?I guess I?m just trying to look at the positives,? he said. ?I mean, you said you?d feed me, and I am really hungry.?
?But still,? she continued, ?you?re acting very courteous and respectful. If our places were switched, I?d be making as much ruckus as I could.?
?I guess that?s something that makes us different,? Tyko replied.
?Did your father teach you to be nice to girls or something?? Koyuna asked, joking.
A needle punctured Tyko?s heart. ??No, no he didn?t,? he said after a moment of hesitation.
That moment wasn?t wasted on Koyuna. ?You hesitated,? she said. Tyko could almost hear the grin on her face. ?Did I finally strike a nerve??
?No, it?s not that,? Tyko replied. ?I never really knew my father, is all. It?s not something I think about much.?
?Be glad,? Koyuna sighed loudly through the open window. ?It?s very hard to lose a loved one.?
A heavy, stiff silence filled the space between them for what felt like a few hours. The sun was setting behind the trees, and the shadows of the trees overtook Tyko and most of the small house. From inside, he could hear chairs shuffling around the floor. Listening closely, he could almost hear the sounds of the wooden legs scratching across a wooden surface as Koyuna moved her furniture about.
Tyko decided to break the silence. ?Did? did you lose someone important to you?? he asked into the open window.
There was no response.
Until the door opened. Koyuna slowly stepped out of her darkened home into the twilight. Her green eyes lacked the energy they had shined with earlier in the day. ?I can?t believe I?m asking you this?? she laughed, ?but what?s your name??
Tyko noticed something different about this particular laugh. It sounded sweeter than the harsh cackling that she had assaulted him with earlier that day. She almost looked embarrassed.
?That is,? she continued before he could respond. ?I don?t feel we?ve been properly introduced.? He could see her eyes, looking into the dimly lit forest, not gazing fiercely at him like she had when he was her captive.
?I?m, my name is Tyko,? he stuttered to get out. ?Tyko Sagil.? He swallowed, unsure of what to make of the thief?s change in personality.
?I?m? I?m Koyuna?? she said, trying to conceal an unknown fear of her own. ?Koyuna Hastleburn.? She stepped around Tyko and the tree. ?If I untie you, will you run away from me?? she asked from where he couldn?t see her face.
?Well, I guess not,? Tyko responded. ?You?re going to feed me, aren?t you??
?Well, yes,? she said. ?But you?re still my prisoner. Don?t forget that.?
Tyko felt the rope start to slacken, and then fall loosely to the ground. He stood up and stretched his arms upward. ?Gosh, that was uncomfortable,? he stifled a yawn. He felt something poke him in the back. Turning his head, he saw Koyuna prodding him toward the open door to her house with his sword. ?C?mon, you?re still my prisoner. Let?s go.?
Tyko sighed at the formality and walked forward, stopping at the opened door before Koyuna gently poked him again. He stepped inside the dimly lit house, almost tripping over the threshold as he stepped inside.
~~~
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