Forums · Autobiography.
This is from a book that I've already written, but recently decided to rewrite as I've come to view the writing style and skills used as being, well, juvenile I suppose? I really want to get it published, but I've decided to share bits of it with you.
It's called Life and Death: Autobiography and, I dunno, I suppose it's a Fantasy/Science Fiction. It's about Atom Thomas Molecule (shutup about the name <.<) and well, his Life and his Death.
I've decided to post the Prologue first, but it's pretty lengthy, so I don't expect many to read it all. If people do read it and like it, then I'll post the First Chapter and anything else I think is appropriate. I really don't want to give too much away, just in case, you know? When reading the prologue, keep in mind that the way it's written makes it so that the story doesn't really start until Chapter One.
Prologue
The walls of Omni were all-encompassing. Nothing got inside the complex and nothing left it. Nothing, that is, unless Omni let it so. Omni was the central nervous system of a ubiquitous company known to the masses as Validity. As far as the general public was concerned, Validity was nothing beyond the norm. It was a company that, in its early days, delved a little into medicine and pharmaceutics, mechanical engineering and various other trades and services that were particularly useful to the common man. No one felt any suspicion as Validity grew and, eventually, played monopoly on the entirety of the worldwide industry. Validity was in charge of everything - it was, in simple analogous terms, the government of industry. For all that its face revealed Validity was nothing at all sinister. People really did treat Validity like it was their Government: they trusted it without question and believed that it was acting in their best interest. But surely you, like I, know better. Surely you know that, when a Government is concerned, the face is a very shallow reflection of what hides behind it and there is always, and absolutely always, something sinister hiding behind the fa?ade.
Omni was the world?s greatest super-complex. Its defence systems were top of the range, based upon the other-worldly Lock-Down systems ripped from the Dragon Manor. Absolutely nothing could break Omni?s defences. There was only one way inside the building: as an employee of Validity. But, considering that it was the company that succeeded in taking over the world economy, Validity was not stupid. It would not hire anyone who compromised the company?s stability in any way ? or, if it did, it would ensure that that employee stayed as far away from Omni as possible. Omni?s entrance was the face of the company; once you walked through those big and golden double doors you would see the inner-workings to the only global entity. Omni concealed behind its front a company most sinister.
Validity called itself an omnipresent enterprise; that meaning that the company handled, produced, distributed, sold, bought and provided everything anyone could possibly ever need to get through their day, their week, their month or even their year. The general public took that claim for what it meant to them: cars, houses, hot water, gas, petroleum, television, electricity, computers, video games, batteries, stationery, watches, food, and clothes ? everything they could possibly need was provided by Validity. But Validity took the claim down to the very word: they saw the words ?everything? and ?anyone? and they acted to reflect that. Validity provided people with drugs (both legal and illegal), guns, poisons and false identities, yet still did they not meet their claim. They were only able to cover two demographics (albeit, two very large demographics) and left a third unaccounted for. The third demographic was very small in comparison ? if the first two included ?everyone? then this third is ?everyone else? and that ?everyone? included, literally, everyone except for one. He is the man at the head of Validity and he created the company not for everyone else, but for himself. This man is perverted, but not in the traditional sense. He hasn?t got over-developed sexual desires, nor does he have abstract sexual desires, rather, he has an insane yearning for perfection.
He encountered perfection once in his life, as the story so goes, during the War against Tasanism. From the moment he laid eyes on the perfect being, he became obsessed with recreating it. He created Validity with the sole intention of assuming total and complete control over all of the world?s resources so that he could abuse those resources in an attempt to reach his goal. Everyone inside Omni knew this, so only those that could be trusted were allowed in. To that same point, no one was allowed to leave unless they could be trusted tenfold. Omni?s deepest and darkest secret could never see the light of the public eye because Validity knew the power of the majority ? he knew that the masses could destroy him and his company. Omni concealed, as it is now time to point out, the crazed experiments of its master. His name was Shadow and I knew him for who, and what, he really was. He was responsible for the death of everyone I ever loved, and I will make him pay.
I am an employee of Validity, and I entered Omni with every intention of destroying it. But when I got inside, I found myself completely overwhelmed. The parts do not make the whole ? the whole makes the parts. Even inside Omni, Validity was untouchable. I showed no sign of my desire to destroy the building, to destroy the company and to destroy the CEO but still, somehow, they knew. They burned obedience into me ? scars of the literal action remain with me as a reminder of what they did to me. I am now a faithful to the company. I am part of the legion. I entered Omni with the sole intention of bringing it down from within its own walls, but such an action was not possible. Shadow knew quite well, and now I know just as well, that the only thing capable of bringing down Omni?s walls was the ignorant mass outside of them. And Omni was too proficient at keeping its secrets hidden behind its face for the ignorance of the public to be rectified. My failed attempt at revolt has left me a prisoner of Omni and a slave to Shadow?s will. I have become one of his most trusted (or, to use a better phrase, one of his most easily manipulated) Biological-Mechanical Engineers. It has become my job to aid the monster in his goal for perfection. I have since helped to design the Eons, massive creatures that would contain the power of the elements within them, created from parts and components both organic and technological. But these monstrosities were, most thankfully, left with one fatal flaw: there was no known means to give life to the non-living. Every time I passed or saw these lifeless monstrosities, I would breathe a sigh of relief as I knew life would never pulse through their veins. But that left my own life in jeopardy: Shadow demanded a solution from me and if I offered any less, it was with my life with which I would have to pay.
These moments, the ones I have taken to write this letter are my last, and I fear that I have spent them in vain. I have written this letter in the hope that it will reach the general public, but I know better. I know that this letter will never see beyond the walls around me. But still, I write it in the vain hope that maybe, someday, someone will make a mistake and this letter will reach the public. Then, and only then, shall Validity fall.
I allowed a moment for my thoughts to clear as I placed the letter, neatly folded and inconspicuous, amongst the paper work upon my desk. My computer screen sat idly with the blueprints for Eon CR-00 upon its blank face. The gaps in the blueprint were glaringly apparent ? the monster had everything bar a soul. It lacked the force that drove us to live. I could not possibly fill those gaps even if I were to spend the rest of my life pondering for a solution. And I most definitely did not plan on doing that as the rest of my life was likely to be outlived (pardon the pun) by the rest of the night. I turned away from my desk; I wanted those thoughts in my head no longer. I wanted the last moments of my life to involve thoughts of something more appealing. I stared out the open window and into the darkness. The night was clear and filled my very being to the absolute rim with a yearning to break the glass barrier and escape into the outside world. But I knew the folly in such an action: the glass was beyond bullet-proof ? it was probably even Eon proof. Again! I had allowed my thoughts to wander back to the very thing I wanted gone from them. I closed my eyes and sighed solemnly. I needed external stimulus away from me. I needed to be alone with my own thoughts. As the calmness consumed me, I could see her face. I hadn?t seen her face in nearly twenty years. I had loved every ounce of her being and I had held in her my arms as her life was stolen from her. Her death was the reason I went to fight in a War that, otherwise, did not concern me. I missed her more than I missed anyone else. I missed her more than I missed anything else. I found comfort in that moment: in my imminent death, I would find myself reunited with her.
Her image was suddenly replaced by a flash of golden white light. There was a crack of bounding thunder that was so loud that the very foundations of Omni shook with fear and imbalance, struggling to stay uprooted upon its foundations. My eyes shot open as fear consumed me and I looked around frantically in survey of my surroundings to check for any damage, but my apartment was gone. It had been replaced by the golden white light. Everywhere, there was nothing but this blinding phenomenon. I didn?t know what it was or what it meant, but I did not fear it. It was not a threatening entity; I didn?t even see it as an entity but, rather, I saw it as a place. I was, for the first time in many years, no longer within the confines of Omni and I felt genuinely calmed and soothed by the fact. But as I considered the idea, I became suddenly uneasy. What if this was death? What if this is heaven, where I would remain in death for the rest of eternity? And, if it was so, where was my family? Where were my friends? Where ? where?! ? was Caitlyn? I dropped to my knees and began to cry.
?You are not dead,? a voice declared, from a companion that I knew not that I had. I looked up, sobbing between breaths still, to see, who I assumed to be, God. He was far from what I had imagined. His hair was thick (with that word being somewhat of an understatement as thick would imply that it was a kind of hair that could be seen in everyday life, when in fact it was anything but) and red beyond any natural hair colour. His eyes seemed to be three colours all at once, as though my brain couldn?t make a decision on which colour to perceive them as, brown, gold reminiscent of the golden white light surrounding us or a red to match his hair. Otherwise, his body was thoroughly unremarkable: he was scrawny and lacking any bulk whatsoever (made especially apparent by the fact that he stood before me in all but that which God had given him ? a turn of phrase that is unfortunately inappropriate considering the situation) and just shy of six feet tall. His body did, however, seem to shine with a blue hue. ?And I am not God,? he continued, as though he was able to read my thoughts, ?But that is not to say that I am not a God.? I went to speak, but he cut me off before I could, ?You have no reason to speak, you only need to listen.?
?My name,? he continued, ?is Athomolecule. I am the God of Purity and King of this Realm ? the Realm of the Dead. You are one of the very few people to be brought here while blood can still flow through their veins, as such a privilege is reserved only for those whose destiny we Gods have a vested interest.?
?You need me?? I asked, feigning some kind of understanding in the events transpiring before me. I had never heard of Athomolecule, in any of the tales of Gods that I had known.
?In a sense,? he replied, ?But I think it would be better to understand it in different terms: the world needs you, you need us and we need the world to thrive.?
?Is this about Validity??
?I told you, you need not speak but only listen to what I have to say,? he said as a reprimand, but his tone remained solemn and kind, ?for I have a story that needs telling.?
The light around us began to shift and warp into different shapes, soon the scenery was completely different and our company had doubled. ?It would do well for you to note that everything that you see around us is absolutely unreal, that is: it is no more than the manifestation of my memory.?
?Where are we?? I asked.
?We,? he replied, ?Are at the beginning of the story.?
And yea, that's that. Tl;dr -- m i rite? Please, constructive criticism and whatnot.
It's called Life and Death: Autobiography and, I dunno, I suppose it's a Fantasy/Science Fiction. It's about Atom Thomas Molecule (shutup about the name <.<) and well, his Life and his Death.
I've decided to post the Prologue first, but it's pretty lengthy, so I don't expect many to read it all. If people do read it and like it, then I'll post the First Chapter and anything else I think is appropriate. I really don't want to give too much away, just in case, you know? When reading the prologue, keep in mind that the way it's written makes it so that the story doesn't really start until Chapter One.
Prologue
The walls of Omni were all-encompassing. Nothing got inside the complex and nothing left it. Nothing, that is, unless Omni let it so. Omni was the central nervous system of a ubiquitous company known to the masses as Validity. As far as the general public was concerned, Validity was nothing beyond the norm. It was a company that, in its early days, delved a little into medicine and pharmaceutics, mechanical engineering and various other trades and services that were particularly useful to the common man. No one felt any suspicion as Validity grew and, eventually, played monopoly on the entirety of the worldwide industry. Validity was in charge of everything - it was, in simple analogous terms, the government of industry. For all that its face revealed Validity was nothing at all sinister. People really did treat Validity like it was their Government: they trusted it without question and believed that it was acting in their best interest. But surely you, like I, know better. Surely you know that, when a Government is concerned, the face is a very shallow reflection of what hides behind it and there is always, and absolutely always, something sinister hiding behind the fa?ade.
Omni was the world?s greatest super-complex. Its defence systems were top of the range, based upon the other-worldly Lock-Down systems ripped from the Dragon Manor. Absolutely nothing could break Omni?s defences. There was only one way inside the building: as an employee of Validity. But, considering that it was the company that succeeded in taking over the world economy, Validity was not stupid. It would not hire anyone who compromised the company?s stability in any way ? or, if it did, it would ensure that that employee stayed as far away from Omni as possible. Omni?s entrance was the face of the company; once you walked through those big and golden double doors you would see the inner-workings to the only global entity. Omni concealed behind its front a company most sinister.
Validity called itself an omnipresent enterprise; that meaning that the company handled, produced, distributed, sold, bought and provided everything anyone could possibly ever need to get through their day, their week, their month or even their year. The general public took that claim for what it meant to them: cars, houses, hot water, gas, petroleum, television, electricity, computers, video games, batteries, stationery, watches, food, and clothes ? everything they could possibly need was provided by Validity. But Validity took the claim down to the very word: they saw the words ?everything? and ?anyone? and they acted to reflect that. Validity provided people with drugs (both legal and illegal), guns, poisons and false identities, yet still did they not meet their claim. They were only able to cover two demographics (albeit, two very large demographics) and left a third unaccounted for. The third demographic was very small in comparison ? if the first two included ?everyone? then this third is ?everyone else? and that ?everyone? included, literally, everyone except for one. He is the man at the head of Validity and he created the company not for everyone else, but for himself. This man is perverted, but not in the traditional sense. He hasn?t got over-developed sexual desires, nor does he have abstract sexual desires, rather, he has an insane yearning for perfection.
He encountered perfection once in his life, as the story so goes, during the War against Tasanism. From the moment he laid eyes on the perfect being, he became obsessed with recreating it. He created Validity with the sole intention of assuming total and complete control over all of the world?s resources so that he could abuse those resources in an attempt to reach his goal. Everyone inside Omni knew this, so only those that could be trusted were allowed in. To that same point, no one was allowed to leave unless they could be trusted tenfold. Omni?s deepest and darkest secret could never see the light of the public eye because Validity knew the power of the majority ? he knew that the masses could destroy him and his company. Omni concealed, as it is now time to point out, the crazed experiments of its master. His name was Shadow and I knew him for who, and what, he really was. He was responsible for the death of everyone I ever loved, and I will make him pay.
I am an employee of Validity, and I entered Omni with every intention of destroying it. But when I got inside, I found myself completely overwhelmed. The parts do not make the whole ? the whole makes the parts. Even inside Omni, Validity was untouchable. I showed no sign of my desire to destroy the building, to destroy the company and to destroy the CEO but still, somehow, they knew. They burned obedience into me ? scars of the literal action remain with me as a reminder of what they did to me. I am now a faithful to the company. I am part of the legion. I entered Omni with the sole intention of bringing it down from within its own walls, but such an action was not possible. Shadow knew quite well, and now I know just as well, that the only thing capable of bringing down Omni?s walls was the ignorant mass outside of them. And Omni was too proficient at keeping its secrets hidden behind its face for the ignorance of the public to be rectified. My failed attempt at revolt has left me a prisoner of Omni and a slave to Shadow?s will. I have become one of his most trusted (or, to use a better phrase, one of his most easily manipulated) Biological-Mechanical Engineers. It has become my job to aid the monster in his goal for perfection. I have since helped to design the Eons, massive creatures that would contain the power of the elements within them, created from parts and components both organic and technological. But these monstrosities were, most thankfully, left with one fatal flaw: there was no known means to give life to the non-living. Every time I passed or saw these lifeless monstrosities, I would breathe a sigh of relief as I knew life would never pulse through their veins. But that left my own life in jeopardy: Shadow demanded a solution from me and if I offered any less, it was with my life with which I would have to pay.
These moments, the ones I have taken to write this letter are my last, and I fear that I have spent them in vain. I have written this letter in the hope that it will reach the general public, but I know better. I know that this letter will never see beyond the walls around me. But still, I write it in the vain hope that maybe, someday, someone will make a mistake and this letter will reach the public. Then, and only then, shall Validity fall.
I allowed a moment for my thoughts to clear as I placed the letter, neatly folded and inconspicuous, amongst the paper work upon my desk. My computer screen sat idly with the blueprints for Eon CR-00 upon its blank face. The gaps in the blueprint were glaringly apparent ? the monster had everything bar a soul. It lacked the force that drove us to live. I could not possibly fill those gaps even if I were to spend the rest of my life pondering for a solution. And I most definitely did not plan on doing that as the rest of my life was likely to be outlived (pardon the pun) by the rest of the night. I turned away from my desk; I wanted those thoughts in my head no longer. I wanted the last moments of my life to involve thoughts of something more appealing. I stared out the open window and into the darkness. The night was clear and filled my very being to the absolute rim with a yearning to break the glass barrier and escape into the outside world. But I knew the folly in such an action: the glass was beyond bullet-proof ? it was probably even Eon proof. Again! I had allowed my thoughts to wander back to the very thing I wanted gone from them. I closed my eyes and sighed solemnly. I needed external stimulus away from me. I needed to be alone with my own thoughts. As the calmness consumed me, I could see her face. I hadn?t seen her face in nearly twenty years. I had loved every ounce of her being and I had held in her my arms as her life was stolen from her. Her death was the reason I went to fight in a War that, otherwise, did not concern me. I missed her more than I missed anyone else. I missed her more than I missed anything else. I found comfort in that moment: in my imminent death, I would find myself reunited with her.
Her image was suddenly replaced by a flash of golden white light. There was a crack of bounding thunder that was so loud that the very foundations of Omni shook with fear and imbalance, struggling to stay uprooted upon its foundations. My eyes shot open as fear consumed me and I looked around frantically in survey of my surroundings to check for any damage, but my apartment was gone. It had been replaced by the golden white light. Everywhere, there was nothing but this blinding phenomenon. I didn?t know what it was or what it meant, but I did not fear it. It was not a threatening entity; I didn?t even see it as an entity but, rather, I saw it as a place. I was, for the first time in many years, no longer within the confines of Omni and I felt genuinely calmed and soothed by the fact. But as I considered the idea, I became suddenly uneasy. What if this was death? What if this is heaven, where I would remain in death for the rest of eternity? And, if it was so, where was my family? Where were my friends? Where ? where?! ? was Caitlyn? I dropped to my knees and began to cry.
?You are not dead,? a voice declared, from a companion that I knew not that I had. I looked up, sobbing between breaths still, to see, who I assumed to be, God. He was far from what I had imagined. His hair was thick (with that word being somewhat of an understatement as thick would imply that it was a kind of hair that could be seen in everyday life, when in fact it was anything but) and red beyond any natural hair colour. His eyes seemed to be three colours all at once, as though my brain couldn?t make a decision on which colour to perceive them as, brown, gold reminiscent of the golden white light surrounding us or a red to match his hair. Otherwise, his body was thoroughly unremarkable: he was scrawny and lacking any bulk whatsoever (made especially apparent by the fact that he stood before me in all but that which God had given him ? a turn of phrase that is unfortunately inappropriate considering the situation) and just shy of six feet tall. His body did, however, seem to shine with a blue hue. ?And I am not God,? he continued, as though he was able to read my thoughts, ?But that is not to say that I am not a God.? I went to speak, but he cut me off before I could, ?You have no reason to speak, you only need to listen.?
?My name,? he continued, ?is Athomolecule. I am the God of Purity and King of this Realm ? the Realm of the Dead. You are one of the very few people to be brought here while blood can still flow through their veins, as such a privilege is reserved only for those whose destiny we Gods have a vested interest.?
?You need me?? I asked, feigning some kind of understanding in the events transpiring before me. I had never heard of Athomolecule, in any of the tales of Gods that I had known.
?In a sense,? he replied, ?But I think it would be better to understand it in different terms: the world needs you, you need us and we need the world to thrive.?
?Is this about Validity??
?I told you, you need not speak but only listen to what I have to say,? he said as a reprimand, but his tone remained solemn and kind, ?for I have a story that needs telling.?
The light around us began to shift and warp into different shapes, soon the scenery was completely different and our company had doubled. ?It would do well for you to note that everything that you see around us is absolutely unreal, that is: it is no more than the manifestation of my memory.?
?Where are we?? I asked.
?We,? he replied, ?Are at the beginning of the story.?
And yea, that's that. Tl;dr -- m i rite? Please, constructive criticism and whatnot.
9 / 10.I gotta say, you've definitely got my attention and I'd love to see the first chapter. This reminds me--at least the parts concerning Validity--of 1984, and of Metal Gear Solid, for some reason. >_>
One thing, though...Shadow seems kind of a cliche name for the CEO. Also, it seems like you rushed a bit in describing him--I don't really what exactly it is, but you probably could have kept the reader in suspense longer, probably into later chapters.
Idiotic nitpicks aside, I enjoyed it. Hope you write more!
One thing, though...Shadow seems kind of a cliche name for the CEO. Also, it seems like you rushed a bit in describing him--I don't really what exactly it is, but you probably could have kept the reader in suspense longer, probably into later chapters.
Idiotic nitpicks aside, I enjoyed it. Hope you write more!
Yea, I've deliberately made reference to 1984 with Validity (I use Telescreens and things like that) and I've left a lot of ambiguity (if you will) toward Shadow because I simply don't want people to know much about that character until, well, the penultimate scene of his story. If I decide to post more, you'll probably see very little of Validity or Shadow, which is why I was hesitant to actually post the prologue. But that's the old story still in mind -- I am going to try to draw more connections with the prologue this time around.