Forums · A writing exercise I just did
Don't try to make sense of it. It was just an excuse to use slightly obscure ways to describe things. Tell me what you thought, I guess.
I feel spread eagled. The racing air buffeted my loose clothes. My hair reached away from the pull of gravity, my vision was blurred by watery eyes. The sound of the air roared through my ears, like liquid filling every available space. I opened my mouth to hear my voice but the sound of the air filled my lungs and smothered my scream.
I had no idea how long I?d been falling. The more I thought about it, the looser my grasp became and the further away the thoughts trickled. All I could see below me was an endless sea of cloud. Waves of white rose and drifted over one another, crashing into the distance, following the curve of the Earth, even. Nearby, a star?s hand reached from the depths of space and engulfed the planet in light. I felt it?s fingers grip my back and warm it.
If I thought enough, I could block out the sound. My freefall became not dissimilar to a stroll through an art gallery. All the life around me was respectably quiet and I felt obliged to follow. From my rapidly declining height I observed the intricate architecture of the clouds expanding towards me, the vivid colour of the countryside appearing between the thin patches of white, the seamless blend between the multiple blues that adorned the sky I was invading.
Once I was familiar with the rapidly changing environment I was falling through, I became aware of its effect on me. I squeezed and flexed my hands sitting unusually useless at the ends of my arms. They were cold and dry and tingled. I was unable to tell if they were shaking or not on account of the constant vibrations of turbulence that shook my entire body.
Dropping from so high up could only send me down, and it?s a long way to fall from a brief meeting with the heavens.
I feel spread eagled. The racing air buffeted my loose clothes. My hair reached away from the pull of gravity, my vision was blurred by watery eyes. The sound of the air roared through my ears, like liquid filling every available space. I opened my mouth to hear my voice but the sound of the air filled my lungs and smothered my scream.
I had no idea how long I?d been falling. The more I thought about it, the looser my grasp became and the further away the thoughts trickled. All I could see below me was an endless sea of cloud. Waves of white rose and drifted over one another, crashing into the distance, following the curve of the Earth, even. Nearby, a star?s hand reached from the depths of space and engulfed the planet in light. I felt it?s fingers grip my back and warm it.
If I thought enough, I could block out the sound. My freefall became not dissimilar to a stroll through an art gallery. All the life around me was respectably quiet and I felt obliged to follow. From my rapidly declining height I observed the intricate architecture of the clouds expanding towards me, the vivid colour of the countryside appearing between the thin patches of white, the seamless blend between the multiple blues that adorned the sky I was invading.
Once I was familiar with the rapidly changing environment I was falling through, I became aware of its effect on me. I squeezed and flexed my hands sitting unusually useless at the ends of my arms. They were cold and dry and tingled. I was unable to tell if they were shaking or not on account of the constant vibrations of turbulence that shook my entire body.
Dropping from so high up could only send me down, and it?s a long way to fall from a brief meeting with the heavens.
Looking solely at the way you described things, and your ability to create rather vivid imagery, I'd say it was prety good.
That was one of my favourite lines, and actually made me stop and think for a minute. The picture in my mind of someone falling and being extremely scared, immediately changed to a picture of someone falling abnormally slowly (as if time had slowed for his last few moments), allowing him to take in the sights and appreciate the world from a different view point.
I also loved the second paragraph - very good, IMO
| QUOTE |
| My freefall became not dissimilar to a stroll through an art gallery. |
That was one of my favourite lines, and actually made me stop and think for a minute. The picture in my mind of someone falling and being extremely scared, immediately changed to a picture of someone falling abnormally slowly (as if time had slowed for his last few moments), allowing him to take in the sights and appreciate the world from a different view point.
I also loved the second paragraph - very good, IMO
| QUOTE (CKY_Tribal @ Sep 15 2007, 10:44 PM) | ||
Looking solely at the way you described things, and your ability to create rather vivid imagery, I'd say it was prety good.
That was one of my favourite lines, and actually made me stop and think for a minute. The picture in my mind of someone falling and being extremely scared, immediately changed to a picture of someone falling abnormally slowly (as if time had slowed for his last few moments), allowing him to take in the sights and appreciate the world from a different view point. I also loved the second paragraph - very good, IMO |
Thanks!
That's exactly what I was trying to do!
(That wasn't sarcasm, by the way.)
Copyright © 2007-2025 Cherubi