Foreword from teh authorzorz: These were originally posted at GameFAQs throughout a topic that was closed by mods at 449 posts, my most successful topic yet. They are separate pieces of crap that follow no plot and lack character development or depth.

On that note, Enjoy!


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"Ah! It?s you! Good to see you! Your Ditto and Eevee are doing fine, they don't seem to like each other very much.? Said the cheery old Day Care Man smilingly.

?So? no eggs?? Ryan replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he often did during conversations with old people.

?No, m?boy no eggs today, perhaps when you come back later.?

Ryan stared past the Day Care Man at his two Pokemon. Ditto, as per usual, was sliding tentatively around Eevee in a hopeless bid to seduce her. Eevee would have none of it and flicked her tail in the face of the purple blob snobbishly.

?Aah, well ? I?ll see you tomorrow, Mister Day Care Man!? Ryan turned on his heel and strode earnestly towards the waiting Camerupt. Camerupt was bent over the lustrous green grass of Solaceon, eating. Two eggs were sat in little pockets in a saddle between the Pokemon?s craterous humps.

The Pokemon Trainer leapt nimbly over the old Camerupt?s back, settling into the saddle carefully so as not to disrupt the eggs. He pulled on the Camerupt?s thick spiky hair, much akin to reins as it was, and gave the thick skinned creature a good boot in the side with the heel of his Running Shoes.

Puffs of smoke rose from the Camerupt?s humps and Ryan felt an unsettling warmth growing beneath his buttocks. Slowly the Camerupt kicked into gear, lifting it?s massive legs and trodding north away from the Day Care Centre. Ryan waved back to the abnormally happy Day Care Man, gave the Camerupt another kick, and set off towards Route 210.

Just as Camerupt was settling into a rhythm and the last buildings of Solaceon were disappearing into the distance, a steep mud hill rose from the ground up ahead. A third kick and Camerupt finally reached his full speed. The wind began to pick up around Ryan?s face. He checked the eggs. They were wobbling around a little but they seemed to do that all the time nowadays? They would be fine.

Camerupt hit the mud hill, struggling up it, almost going vertical and throwing off his rider over the last metre. As he pulled himself to the top and Ryan steadied himself between the craters, the top of the hill crumbled beneath Camerupt?s weight and the group nearly slid back to the bottom. But they were up and they were safe and they delicately trotted down the stairs on the other side of the hill and continued on their journey.

Having hit the Pokemon Restaurant and stopping in for a MooMoo Milkshake, Ryan turned Camerupt in a wide arc and set off back through Solaceon, edging painfully slowly down the destroyed Mud Hill.

They continued back through the old town, passing a few houses, the daycare centre, Poke Center, Poke Mart and that tiny garden where Ryan had berries growing.

And on they rode, through the southern end of Solaceon, past the Pokemon Tower, down another Mud Slide (this one more successfully) until they could go in one direction no longer at which point they turned (again in a slow, wide arc) and headed back north?


---

Ryan was standing on Camerupt?s back, balancing carefully as the apparently oblivious Pokemon stooped low to rip a mouthful of weeds from the ground. Ryan put his hand over his eyebrows, squinting into the distance.

?I think I missed, I can see the rock sitting next to it but the damned thing doesn?t seem to have noticed.? He was throwing an armful of rocks at a Bibarel which was apparently trying to remember how to surf. So far his efforts to rile up the naturally timid Pokemon had been fruitless.

The eggs were sitting in their little pockets, shaking and wobbling and occasionally making tiny scraping sounds.

As Ryan steadied his foothold, lifted another rock and hefted it towards the hulking brown mass; a loud, sudden cracking sound rang out behind him.

His eyes widened, he turn and jumped off the still unresponsive Camerupt, grabbed the active egg and set it down on the ground in front of him. He watched eagerly as the top of the egg split and fragments broke away. As soon as the cracks had run the length of the egg and met each other, the entire shape broke apart, and there - sitting with it?s eyes tightly shut in the pieces of it?s previous home ? was a tiny male Eevee.

The creature slowly stood, it?s eyes opening, rapidly growing accustomed to this new world and the feet below it.

Ryan sat gingerly on the back of his Camerupt, watching this tiny ?Evolution Pokemon? and it?s antics. He checked the Pokemon Handbook flicking through to page http://www.serebii.net/games/natures.shtml. He checked the page up and down. Apparently ?Spastic? wasn?t a common nature for Pokemon.

In any case, what was for sure was that this tiny little creature wasn?t Calm and, hence, was destined to spend the remainder of it?s life in a PC Box.


---

Ryan stepped out into the humid Solaceon air, spitting a wad of tobacco in no particular direction. Eevee was stored away in the P.C. never to see light again until he ran out of Box Space. That wasn?t about to happen in a hurry.

No sooner was he settled back on top of Camerupt, lifting his butt with his hands for a short few seconds of comfort, when that cracking sound, fast becoming familiar, disturbed the serene musical nature of Solaceon discussion.

The hicks and hickettes of Solaceon gathered to watch this miracle of life. The bringing in of a new soul into their world. The birth of a Pokemon truly was the greatest sight to behold. A feeling of anticipation ? both of something new and the beginning of a long string of life- rose in the hearts of those that watched.

The egg split at the top, cracking in a random pattern, splintering the thin shell and finally breaking it apart. The onlookers let out a deep breath in unison, each holding their hands together and looking with almost bestial worship on the huddled brown figure.

Ryan watched silently as the creature pulled itself onto it?s feet, feeling blindly through this new world for it?s mother.

As it?s body unfurled itself, the crowd stood back ? aghast. Ryan stumbled backwards away from the thing, barely finding a hold on Camerupt, who was oblivious as ever, for there, sitting carelessly on the dirt road, was a Buneary.


---

Ryan walked steadily through the cavernous maze of the Sinnoh Underground, his eyes watching the blinking spark on his metal detector.

The dirt walls passed behind him as his feet strode in the direction indicated by the detector. He rounded a corner into a thin alleyway, walked blindly through that, turned left out the other side and stopped promptly in front of the wall.

He hit a button on the detector and an invisible radar spiraled outwards from it, highlighting several sparks on the display. He dropped the device to the dusty ground and threw his bag off his shoulders.

Ryan stepped back and observed the wall carefully. There appeared to be something bulging out slightly. He rummaged quickly through his small bag, producing a large mallet and pickaxe.

Without thinking, he pulled the mallet behind him and lunged at the wall, swinging the barbaric tool wildly at the bulge. He felt it?s weight pull at his arms as it swung around him and made solid contact with the fortification.

He let his arm drop the mallet to the ground, it landed on the top of it?s head and sat upright (yes upright ? not erect) in the dirt.

Next he picked up his trusty pickaxe, with one motion he lifted the axe above his head and brought it down on the top edge of the prominence. The blow knocked the object downwards but it was still firmly in place

Ryan pulled the axe from the wall and swung it back behind his head ? where he felt it connect sickeningly with something that could well have been a skull. Ryan turned, the axe still over his head, and saw lying on the ground with a sizeable hole in his head, a rather portly, rather dead hiker.

The shock of the sight saw him leap forward, throwing the pick away from him. The blade struck the wall perfectly and out slotted a strange skull-like fossil.

Still in a state of shock, averting his gaze from the dead salesman, Ryan picked up the fossil, stuffed it, along with the mallet, pickaxe and metal detector; into his bag, turned and walked hurriedly away.

?Oh well,? he thought to himself after teleporting safely back to the surface, ?His prices were ridiculous anyway.?

---

?You take too long! Keep me waiting!? Cried the scientist in superfluous frustration.

?I was just? I was just over there reading about the history of the mine, I?ve been gone five seconds?? Replied Ryan confusedly.

?Too long! Five seconds too long!?

?Well, ok? can I see what happened??

?Aah yes, the fossil, it is suspiciously similar in size and shape to the hole found in the wall near the corpse of Hiker Dave this morning??

Ryan?s eyes darted shiftily across the museum.

?My magical super machine revived it, the Fossil turned out to be that of a Cranidos!?

?Oh! Wow, that?s awesome! Can I have it??

?No, I?m sorry,? Replied the scientist looking none to sorry at all, ?I must keep it for my? Er, research??

?Damn? I?ve heard Rampardos has a mean base attack??

?Sorry??

?Oh, never mind? I guess I?ll maybe see you later?? Ryan said, turning sadly and walking out the door, pulling his collar up and his little French hat down over his eyes.

Ryan stepped out of the museum, swinging his bag over his shoulder and rummaging through it for his Bicycle. He forced his hand through the ridiculous amount of loot stored in his bag in search for the Bike. Throwing an old, off-colour berry into his mouth and forcing a Disc Wallet with his collection of TMs HMs and Beatles Albums, he finally lay a hand on the bike and with one wrench he pulled it out of the bag.

As he began to throw a leg over the bike, he remembered he didn?t actually own one previously and instead produced Camerupt?s Pokeball from his belt. (Yah, I forgot he didn?t have a bike ? you wanna battle about it?).

As he headed solemnly up the hill, already dreading the cocky jeers of Bikers as he attempted to ride Camerupt up Cycle Road, he heard a strange sound disturbing the late afternoon quiet coming from behind the museum.

It sounded eerily like a modestly built scientist wrestling with a 1000 year old fossilized, later revived Pokemon?

Ryan kicked Camerupt into action, trotting off to a thin alley between the eastern wall of the Museum and the Oreburgh boundary.

Camerupt was too fat so he leapt off and walked onwards by foot. At the far end, at the outer corner of the Museum, where the ground was wet with the trail of a broken pipe, a tiny, white, wooden gate swung back into position as a shadow danced away from it.

Ryan stepped apprehensively towards the gate, hearing a loud racket coming from a large space on the other side of it. His hand slipped down to the pokeballs on his belt and he struggled to remember which one had his strongest Pokemon in it.

Then he leapt forward, kicking the gate open, rolling unnecessarily stylistically into what seemed to be a large, hidden courtyard and throwing the pokeball into the air.

?GO! BIDOOF!? He cried as the startled scientist turned to see the intruder.

However, to his utter dismay, as the pokeball sprung open with a flash, it wasn?t his trusty Bidoof that leaped out, but his worst Pokemon of all?

?Aah, crap! Arceus ? back in the ball.? Ryan stood, and as he did he realized the painful seriousness of his situation. For there, on the other side of the secret courtyard, was a large army of angry Cranidos.

---

Ryan scrambled to his feet and locked eyes with the scientist.

A lone tumbleweed rolled anticlimactically between the two.

On the other side of the museum, Camerupt groaned and wedged himself in the alleyway.

Finally the scientist screamed, ?Cranidos use a mass Headbutt!?

An image sprung into Ryan?s mind. An image of small pieces of him being scraped off the wall behind him. He struggled to remember what moves this useless God Pokemon might actually know.

His mind went blank, his hands flew to his pockets for inspiration, they pulled out two things. The first was a small article from a Pokemon Magazine with a picture of half of Judge Judy?s face on the reverse side. The second was an old Smint he?d forgotten about.

?Judge?.? Smint?!? He cried looking hopelessly into his hands.

Suddenly, as two dozen reincarnated dinosaurs charged towards it with their heads flashing white, Arceus threw back it?s head and shot it forward, a blast of burning light exploding from it?s mandibles.

For a second, the charging Cranidos were silhouetted against the light, and then the brightness consumed them and white filled Oreburgh.

Ryan dropped to his knees, his forearm sheltering his eyes which burned red with the pain. Slowly, the epic radiance subsided, and the courtyard returned to it?s prior state, minus an army of Cranidos and one mad scientist.

---

Ryan peered solemnly out from the roof of his home at crowds of legs strutting by. Dark clouds were gathering over Veilstone and his cardboard box still wasn?t dry from the last time it had rained.

Behind him, Bidoof ran in crazed, drug-induced circles, courtesy of the twenty vitamin pills it had just had shoved down it?s throat.

Empty vitamin containers lay lidless around the cubic metre box. For the millionth time Ryan whipped out his Trainer Card to check his monies. ? 000,002 the number read.

He hung his head in shame, listening for the inevitable pitter patter of raindrops. The sound came, it grew and intensified in to a seemingly worldwide cacophony of nature.

Ryan turned to Bidoof, picked it up by the rear end and told it, ?Looks like tonight?s gonna be another night sleeping under Camerupt, old friend.? Bidoof struggled to curl it?s body up to eye level with Ryan?s filthy, timeworn face. And perhaps, for that moment as their eyes met, it wished it?s intelligence were on par with the human?s so it could not know to so easily bypass emotion.

But sadly, it?s vast brain was millennia more developed than it?s sorry human trainer?s.

---

I liked these when you posted them, now not so much.

P.S. Don't ask why.

QUOTE (demigodxyz @ Sep 14 2007, 06:58 PM)

I liked these when you posted them, now not so much. P.S. Don't ask why.