Forums · Some Fanfic I wrote sometime ago...
Yeah, so, I wrote this fanfic some time ago, and I honestly think it's the best thing I've ever written (which is probably a bad thing). Anyway, it's pokemon related, but its a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon fic. Eh, I hope you like it.
Alakazam, IQ 50,000, leader of the Gold-ranked rescue team named after him, was floating a few feet above the ground meditating, as he did daily. Eyes closed and mind clear, he floated there doing his regular psychic power training exercise. However, a small distraction had occurred, which resulted in a thought in the back of the psychic pokemon?s head. It grew and grew; Alakazam was unable to get rid of the nagging thought disturbing his meditation. The thought crescendoed in his mind, until he could no longer attempt to ignore it. The thought said, ?Hey, I haven?t eaten in, like, seven hours. I?m freaking hungry.? With this came the thought of, ?Well, what?m I gonna eat, then?? Together they grew and grew, until Alakazam ceased meditation, opened his eyes, and uttered only one thing:
?Big Macs.?
Alakazam called his two team members, Charizard and Tyranitar, and said, ?I?m going to McDonalds, anyone wanna come with??
?Sure,? replied Tyranitar.
?I?ll go, but are we gonna walk?? asked Charizard.
?Of course: I don?t feel like teleporting everywhere today, nor do I want to take public transportation. Besides, it?s nothing we?ve never done before, so suck it up.?
Charizard groaned as they exited their rescue base and set off towards the nearest golden arches. They traversed through fiery fields, rugged mountains, treacherous swamps, and freezing peeks, but they finally reached their destination.
?Man,? said Tyranitar as the group entered the burger joint, ?Who?d of thought that a 15-minute walk would be so arduous??
?That?s why I said I didn?t wanna walk?? mumbled Charizard.
The group got into the shortest line, only having to wait behind one Venonat who kept asking the cashier dumb questions.
?Well, is there milk in the ice cream cones?? asked the Venonat in all seriousness.
?Yes, there is milk in the ice cream,? replied the cashier, an anthropomorphic, glasses-wearing rat (not Rattata, not Raticate, a regular ol? rat) of about 15 through clenched teeth, trying his best not to leap over the counter and kill the annoying bug who was giving him an aneurysm with his onslaught of inane inquiries.
That was me. That was I. That was the author of this fic, and I need to lay off the Vonnegut.
?But I can?t have milk! I?m lactose intolerant,? cried the dumbass Venonat.
?Well, you can?t have ice cream then,? I replied as calmly as I could, which wasn?t very.
?So, I can?t have ice cream just ?cause I?m lactose intolerant?? the Venonat asked me, offended.
YES! I screamed on the inside. ?That?s right,? I said.
?If that?s the case, then I?ll just take my business somewhere that doesn?t discriminate against those with medical conditions!? the Venonat said and left in a huff. When he got to the parking lot, a stray ice beam conveniently came out of nowhere and hit the bug-type, killing him instantly. Damn, that felt good.
Anyway, Alakazam and company were up next. Alakazam ordered a simple, greasy double cheeseburger combo. Immediately afterwards he said to me, ?So, you?re a rat,? hinting that he knew the nature of my being.
?Yes, that I am.? Hence the name, Fanatic Rat.
?You know that doesn?t occur around here, right? I mean, you should have at least made yourself a pokemorph.?
It took a second before I realized the glaring plot hole Alakazam had just pointed out to me. It wasn?t until after I?d taken Tyranitar?s order, which was similar to Alakazam?s, that I rectified the situation with, ?Screw it, maybe nobody?ll notice.?
Charizard ordered next, unfortunately. He apparently decided that this would be a great time to act an ass. He started pulling a Venonat on me.
?Now let me get this straight,? he said, ?Small is the smallest size of fries??
?Yes, it is, sir,? I replied.
?And medium is larger than small, but smaller than large??
?Yes,? I said through gritted teeth.
Barely keeping a straight face, he asked, ?But the super size is bigger than the large, making it the largest??
Don?t you know who I am? I?m the freaking author! I can destroy whatever coherent plot is left and plunge this fic into chaos! I?ve the power to do whatever I can think of! I could make you as strong as a titan or as weak as a kitten! I could fill you with courage or make you wet yourself with terror! I could kill you and resurrect you in the same sentence! I AM OMNIPOTENT HERE, WORM!
?Yes, the super size is the largest,? I said, refraining from voicing my thoughts.
?Ah, I see.? He said. Charizard pretended to ponder this information for a moment, barely concealing his grin, and then replied, ?I?ll have 30 Big Macs, a Coke, and a small fry. Oh, and one more thing,? he added while I rang up the ridiculous order, ?does the ice cream have milk in it??
?AAARRRGGGHHH!? I screamed, slamming my head repeatedly into the counter.
A while and one concussion later, Alakazam and his cohorts had gotten their food-like substances and had taken a seat at one of the tables.
?Um, Charizard?? Said Tyranitar as they sat down, eying Charizard?s 30 burgers, ?Are you really gonna eat all of those in, like, one sitting??
?Of course,? replied Charizard, starting on the first one. ?I wanna beat my old record of 27.?
?Charizard, you threw up for hours after setting that last record,? commented Alakazam. A Croconaw which was eating too close to the table to avoid the comment pushed his food away.
?Yeah, that seriously cannot be good for you,? said Tyranitar.
?Hm, whatever, pansy,? retorted Charizard with his mouth full. ?I bet you 200 poke that I can do it.?
?Yeah, sure. Listen, I?m gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Don?t steal any of my food,? said Tyranitar as he rose from the table. As soon as his back was turned, Alakazam stole some of his french fries.
Tyranitar opened the door to the men?s room and immediately noticed the less than ideal conditions inside. The air smelled of smoke, sweat, and butt (y?know, normal public restroom smell), the floor was sticky, and the urinal looked as if it hadn?t been cleaned since James Madison took office. Tyranitar took a look at the place and thought, ?Actually, I don?t need to go that badly.?
?Actually, you kinda do,? shot back his bladder. Sighing, he went to the urinal and commenced his business. While doing so, he noticed carved into the stall wall next to him, ?Looking for a good time? Call Delcatty at,? and then listed a phone number which I?m not gonna put here because I know some idiot who?s reading this will attempt to call it. After he?d finished and was washing his hands/claws/paws/whatever, an Aipom walked in and headed to the urinal. The long-tail pokemon saw the carving on the stall wall, grinned, whipped out a cell phone?yes, while peeing?and dialed the number. After one or two rings, he got Delcatty on the phone, inquired about the ?ad?, and, pleased with her response began to talk about?you know what? I wanna keep this at a ?T? rating, so I won?t go into details on the dialog. You can all infer it for yourselves. Anyway, Tyranitar, unable to block the Aipom?s words, quickly finished his hygiene procedure and exited the bathroom to avoid overhearing any more of the unpleasant conversation.
In the dining part of the McDonalds, Charizard had started on his 13th burger, but was having trouble enjoying it. The fact that he?d just had 12 of the damn things was part of it, but the brat from the table behind him was the main reason. He?d been throwing things like fries and used napkins in the fire lizard?s general direction for the last few minutes. Alakazam tried to calm him down, reminding him that it wouldn?t look good if the fried another child in a fast-food restaurant, but Charizard lost it when the Coke came flying at him. He whirled around in fury, screaming, ?If you throw one more thing at me, I swear I?ll??
?You?ll what?? replied the Squirtle?s parents, two Blastoise. Charizard froze when he noticed their water cannons were aimed directly at him, ready to hydro-pump the fire type?s butt into the nearest hospital.
?I?ll, er, uh?nevermind?? he mumbled and turned back, defeated, while the Squirtle continued to toss things at him. Thought you could get away unscathed, didn?t you, jackass? You don?t mess with the freakin? author!
Around this time, Tyranitar returned.
?Hey guys, I?m back,? he said as he sat down. ?Did you guys take any of my food??
?Uh, no,? Alakazam answered quickly, then said, ?Hey, we should probably be heading back soon.?
?Hold on, I still have to beat my record,? said Charizard, almost finished with his 13th Big Mac.
?Man, just give it up,? said Alakazam.
?Yeah, seriously, it?s not that big a deal,? commented Tyranitar.
?Whatever, I will win my 200 poke,? said Charizard. He then proceeded to consume the rest of his burgers quickly. Insanely quickly. Like, if a normal human tried to scarf Big Macs that quickly, he?d probably die.
?And?done?? Charizard said as he finished the last burger and slumped in his chair, extremely queasy.
?Um, are you okay?? asked Tyranitar.
?Yeah?I?m fine?let?s go,? replied Charizard.
And with that, the party left the McDonalds. Not wanting to deal with that ridiculously difficult walk again, they took the bus back. When they arrived at the rescue base, Charizard immediately collected his money from Tyranitar before running off to the bathroom to puke his brains out. Tyranitar turned on the news to a report that the McDonalds they were just at had burned down. Police suspected arson, probably by a disgruntled employee. Alakazam returned to his meditation. I decided to end the fic here because I really don?t have anything more to write.
Yup...
Alakazam, IQ 50,000, leader of the Gold-ranked rescue team named after him, was floating a few feet above the ground meditating, as he did daily. Eyes closed and mind clear, he floated there doing his regular psychic power training exercise. However, a small distraction had occurred, which resulted in a thought in the back of the psychic pokemon?s head. It grew and grew; Alakazam was unable to get rid of the nagging thought disturbing his meditation. The thought crescendoed in his mind, until he could no longer attempt to ignore it. The thought said, ?Hey, I haven?t eaten in, like, seven hours. I?m freaking hungry.? With this came the thought of, ?Well, what?m I gonna eat, then?? Together they grew and grew, until Alakazam ceased meditation, opened his eyes, and uttered only one thing:
?Big Macs.?
Alakazam called his two team members, Charizard and Tyranitar, and said, ?I?m going to McDonalds, anyone wanna come with??
?Sure,? replied Tyranitar.
?I?ll go, but are we gonna walk?? asked Charizard.
?Of course: I don?t feel like teleporting everywhere today, nor do I want to take public transportation. Besides, it?s nothing we?ve never done before, so suck it up.?
Charizard groaned as they exited their rescue base and set off towards the nearest golden arches. They traversed through fiery fields, rugged mountains, treacherous swamps, and freezing peeks, but they finally reached their destination.
?Man,? said Tyranitar as the group entered the burger joint, ?Who?d of thought that a 15-minute walk would be so arduous??
?That?s why I said I didn?t wanna walk?? mumbled Charizard.
The group got into the shortest line, only having to wait behind one Venonat who kept asking the cashier dumb questions.
?Well, is there milk in the ice cream cones?? asked the Venonat in all seriousness.
?Yes, there is milk in the ice cream,? replied the cashier, an anthropomorphic, glasses-wearing rat (not Rattata, not Raticate, a regular ol? rat) of about 15 through clenched teeth, trying his best not to leap over the counter and kill the annoying bug who was giving him an aneurysm with his onslaught of inane inquiries.
That was me. That was I. That was the author of this fic, and I need to lay off the Vonnegut.
?But I can?t have milk! I?m lactose intolerant,? cried the dumbass Venonat.
?Well, you can?t have ice cream then,? I replied as calmly as I could, which wasn?t very.
?So, I can?t have ice cream just ?cause I?m lactose intolerant?? the Venonat asked me, offended.
YES! I screamed on the inside. ?That?s right,? I said.
?If that?s the case, then I?ll just take my business somewhere that doesn?t discriminate against those with medical conditions!? the Venonat said and left in a huff. When he got to the parking lot, a stray ice beam conveniently came out of nowhere and hit the bug-type, killing him instantly. Damn, that felt good.
Anyway, Alakazam and company were up next. Alakazam ordered a simple, greasy double cheeseburger combo. Immediately afterwards he said to me, ?So, you?re a rat,? hinting that he knew the nature of my being.
?Yes, that I am.? Hence the name, Fanatic Rat.
?You know that doesn?t occur around here, right? I mean, you should have at least made yourself a pokemorph.?
It took a second before I realized the glaring plot hole Alakazam had just pointed out to me. It wasn?t until after I?d taken Tyranitar?s order, which was similar to Alakazam?s, that I rectified the situation with, ?Screw it, maybe nobody?ll notice.?
Charizard ordered next, unfortunately. He apparently decided that this would be a great time to act an ass. He started pulling a Venonat on me.
?Now let me get this straight,? he said, ?Small is the smallest size of fries??
?Yes, it is, sir,? I replied.
?And medium is larger than small, but smaller than large??
?Yes,? I said through gritted teeth.
Barely keeping a straight face, he asked, ?But the super size is bigger than the large, making it the largest??
Don?t you know who I am? I?m the freaking author! I can destroy whatever coherent plot is left and plunge this fic into chaos! I?ve the power to do whatever I can think of! I could make you as strong as a titan or as weak as a kitten! I could fill you with courage or make you wet yourself with terror! I could kill you and resurrect you in the same sentence! I AM OMNIPOTENT HERE, WORM!
?Yes, the super size is the largest,? I said, refraining from voicing my thoughts.
?Ah, I see.? He said. Charizard pretended to ponder this information for a moment, barely concealing his grin, and then replied, ?I?ll have 30 Big Macs, a Coke, and a small fry. Oh, and one more thing,? he added while I rang up the ridiculous order, ?does the ice cream have milk in it??
?AAARRRGGGHHH!? I screamed, slamming my head repeatedly into the counter.
A while and one concussion later, Alakazam and his cohorts had gotten their food-like substances and had taken a seat at one of the tables.
?Um, Charizard?? Said Tyranitar as they sat down, eying Charizard?s 30 burgers, ?Are you really gonna eat all of those in, like, one sitting??
?Of course,? replied Charizard, starting on the first one. ?I wanna beat my old record of 27.?
?Charizard, you threw up for hours after setting that last record,? commented Alakazam. A Croconaw which was eating too close to the table to avoid the comment pushed his food away.
?Yeah, that seriously cannot be good for you,? said Tyranitar.
?Hm, whatever, pansy,? retorted Charizard with his mouth full. ?I bet you 200 poke that I can do it.?
?Yeah, sure. Listen, I?m gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Don?t steal any of my food,? said Tyranitar as he rose from the table. As soon as his back was turned, Alakazam stole some of his french fries.
Tyranitar opened the door to the men?s room and immediately noticed the less than ideal conditions inside. The air smelled of smoke, sweat, and butt (y?know, normal public restroom smell), the floor was sticky, and the urinal looked as if it hadn?t been cleaned since James Madison took office. Tyranitar took a look at the place and thought, ?Actually, I don?t need to go that badly.?
?Actually, you kinda do,? shot back his bladder. Sighing, he went to the urinal and commenced his business. While doing so, he noticed carved into the stall wall next to him, ?Looking for a good time? Call Delcatty at,? and then listed a phone number which I?m not gonna put here because I know some idiot who?s reading this will attempt to call it. After he?d finished and was washing his hands/claws/paws/whatever, an Aipom walked in and headed to the urinal. The long-tail pokemon saw the carving on the stall wall, grinned, whipped out a cell phone?yes, while peeing?and dialed the number. After one or two rings, he got Delcatty on the phone, inquired about the ?ad?, and, pleased with her response began to talk about?you know what? I wanna keep this at a ?T? rating, so I won?t go into details on the dialog. You can all infer it for yourselves. Anyway, Tyranitar, unable to block the Aipom?s words, quickly finished his hygiene procedure and exited the bathroom to avoid overhearing any more of the unpleasant conversation.
In the dining part of the McDonalds, Charizard had started on his 13th burger, but was having trouble enjoying it. The fact that he?d just had 12 of the damn things was part of it, but the brat from the table behind him was the main reason. He?d been throwing things like fries and used napkins in the fire lizard?s general direction for the last few minutes. Alakazam tried to calm him down, reminding him that it wouldn?t look good if the fried another child in a fast-food restaurant, but Charizard lost it when the Coke came flying at him. He whirled around in fury, screaming, ?If you throw one more thing at me, I swear I?ll??
?You?ll what?? replied the Squirtle?s parents, two Blastoise. Charizard froze when he noticed their water cannons were aimed directly at him, ready to hydro-pump the fire type?s butt into the nearest hospital.
?I?ll, er, uh?nevermind?? he mumbled and turned back, defeated, while the Squirtle continued to toss things at him. Thought you could get away unscathed, didn?t you, jackass? You don?t mess with the freakin? author!
Around this time, Tyranitar returned.
?Hey guys, I?m back,? he said as he sat down. ?Did you guys take any of my food??
?Uh, no,? Alakazam answered quickly, then said, ?Hey, we should probably be heading back soon.?
?Hold on, I still have to beat my record,? said Charizard, almost finished with his 13th Big Mac.
?Man, just give it up,? said Alakazam.
?Yeah, seriously, it?s not that big a deal,? commented Tyranitar.
?Whatever, I will win my 200 poke,? said Charizard. He then proceeded to consume the rest of his burgers quickly. Insanely quickly. Like, if a normal human tried to scarf Big Macs that quickly, he?d probably die.
?And?done?? Charizard said as he finished the last burger and slumped in his chair, extremely queasy.
?Um, are you okay?? asked Tyranitar.
?Yeah?I?m fine?let?s go,? replied Charizard.
And with that, the party left the McDonalds. Not wanting to deal with that ridiculously difficult walk again, they took the bus back. When they arrived at the rescue base, Charizard immediately collected his money from Tyranitar before running off to the bathroom to puke his brains out. Tyranitar turned on the news to a report that the McDonalds they were just at had burned down. Police suspected arson, probably by a disgruntled employee. Alakazam returned to his meditation. I decided to end the fic here because I really don?t have anything more to write.
Yup...
